


Distance between Us

by butatokki



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Small Town, Bellarke AU Week, Bellarke pregnancy, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-06-17 12:21:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15461259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butatokki/pseuds/butatokki
Summary: Clarke had once been the love of Bellamy’s life and when he was twenty three years old, life tore them apart. It’s been twelve years and Clarke is back but she didn’t come back alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this kind of came to me on a whim, I hope that I can keep the story going and not get bored of it. Please enjoy!!!

** 2005 **

 

It was a cool November Sunday morning when she stepped into his nearly empty room, he was all packed and ready to leave and she was trying her damn hardest to act like her world wasn’t collapsing around her. Clarke Griffin was eighteen years old, just recently graduated from High School and her boyfriend Bellamy Blake was leaving.

 

They had known each other their whole lives, Clarke was Bellamy’s little sister’s best friend. She had spent more night than she could remember on the living room if his childhood home with Octavia watching cheesy romantic comedies as part of their weekly sleepovers. Clarke liked being around the Blake’s, they were warm and loud and terribly affectionate, not that she wasn’t loved in her own home but her parents were always busy and Aurora was an entrepreneur who worked from home and once she figured out the whole selling on the internet thing, her business really took off.

 

She had fought, laughed and loved in that house, and in the backyard she had given Bellamy her first kiss as an act of defiance towards him. In his living room she had realized she loved him as more than just her friend’s older brother and it was in this empty room one night a year ago that she walked into his room, got into his bed and lost her heart to him.

 

Now as she looked around, everything packed in neat boxes for storage, save for a few trophies and pictures, the last year felt like a cold and distant memory. She heard the zipping of his bag and wrapped her arms around herself. She wouldn’t let him know how much this was killing her.

 

“Almost time.” She said softly, he nodded while biting his lower lip. “You didn’t forget anything did you?” She watched as he looked around and ran a hand through his beautiful dark curly hair.

 

“I don’t think so,” His voice was deep and it vibrated throughout her whole body. Her heart clenched at the thought that it would be so long before she heard him again. He could call, would call…maybe. They both knew today was the end of what had been the most intense year of their lives.

 

Bellamy was twenty-three years old, he had finished his four years Bachelor's degree in Archeology. The guy was a huge History nerd and the idea of finding out more and more of human history really got him hot, but it was last month that really changed their lives. He was recommended by his professors to be part of a seven year excavision in Egypt. It was the opportunity of a lifetime.

 

Clarke remembered that day so clearly, how her heart had sunken to the ground at the knowledge that he would need to leave. He had rushed into his house calling out to his mom, calling out to his sister oblivious that she had been in the room waiting with her own piece of news.

 

 _“I got chosen to go to Egypt! Egypt!!!!”_ He laughed as he hugged his sister and passed his mom the letter of his imitation “ _a real dig site, a real excavision!!! I mean do you know what this means for me? For us?!”_ He laughed again tears almost in his eyes and Clarke heard him from his room. Silently.

 

“ _Bellamy! This is great!”_ His mother hugged him.

 

“ _Woah, woah, this says seven years”_ Octavia’s voice made Clarke’s throat close up. “ _You’ll be gone for that long?”_

 

 _“I know it seems like a long time, but listen, sit”_ he sat his girls down. _“The amount of money I’ll be making. I could pay for your school, I can help mom with everything and still have money to save for myself. I could take care of us, all of us.”_ He sounded so proud to say that.

 

“ _O_ ,” he took his sister’s hand. “ _I can make it so you can study without any debt, take care to you until you have a career and can support yourself and even then still continue to be a helping hand whenever you need me”_ he reasoned, his sister looked into his eyes and understood why he needed to do this.

 

“ _It’s only seven years right?”_ She asked in a small voice.

 

“ _Mom, O,_ ” he took his mom’s hand then too. Looking at the two most important women in his life “ _the plan is simple, seven years and study for my PhD so I can come back and be a professor here at ArkU_ ” he had it all planned out in his head. “ _Seven years are going to fly right by,”_ he assured them. There was a small silence that filled the small house before Aurora spoke.

 

“ _Egypt_ ,” she laughed and Bellamy did too. “ _Honey, I’m so proud of you.”_ She reached over and placed her hands on her handsome son’s face. Clarke took his window as an exit to his house, a space that had suffocated her in silence in those moments.

 

She didn’t go home, no in the middle of the night she went out the the lake and sat on one of the benches. Under the clear night sky she let herself cry. He would leave her, he didn’t even think about it twice, he would just leave. He would leave and she would be left behind, would be find someone else, love someone else? What now?

 

Clarke wasn’t sure how long she had sat there until she heard a twig snap behind her making her jump, and there he was. Hair a mess, eyes wide. She felt her heart constrict and she wanted to run but she was just as equally glued to her spot on the bench, so instead she turned away from him. Silently he came to sit beside her, taking her hand.

 

“ _You’re freezing,”_ he stated but she said nothing. Taking his jacket off he wrapped it around her, it smelled like him. “ _Clarke…”_ he began but she didn’t want to hear her name on his lips right now, no she didn’t want his comfort.

 

“ _I’m happy for you_ ” She said, voice barely above a whisper.

 

“ _Hey_ ,” he reached out, his dark skin starkly obvious against her pale color as he turned her chin towards him, tears invaded her cerulean orbs. “ _I’m not going anywhere_ ” she stopped breathing again.

 

“ _What?”_ She had heard him, heard his words, heard what he told his family. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out what she assumed she must have dropped in his room while rushing out the window. Small, white and with a pink plus sign, the pregnancy test that had scared her to the point that she snuck into his room and silently waited for him.

 

 _“I found this,”_ he said gently.

 

“ _What makes you think it’s mine?”_ She asked quickly, almost as if trying to deny it.

 

“ _Because you left this too”_ he pulled out her small pink Razor flip phone and she cursed. _“I can’t leave, not knowing this.”_

 

“ _Bell_ ,” she began but he pulled her into a hug.

 

 _“I won’t leave knowing this princess”_ he said in a low voice, “ _my baby, my responsibility”_ he held her closer.

 

“ _I’m sorry_ ” she cried as she held him tightly, “ _I’m so sorry”_ but she felt him shake his head.

 

“ _Don’t be, this plan is just as good”_ he comforted. _“I love you Clarke, a baby is just as good as Egypt”_ she knew he was trying to be convincing but even she knew this turned his whole life around. _“I’ll decline it first thing tomorrow morning and then we’ll figure it out”_

 

“ _No_ ,” Clarke pulled away “ _No, don’t decline it”_ she sniffles and saw the protest on his lips. “ _Bell_ ,”

 

“ _Clarke_.” He interrupted and she shook her head

 

 _“Listen, please.”_ She inhaled _“I came to you because it could be wrong, I wanted to ask you to go to the doctors tomorrow so I can get a blood test. Be one hundred percent without fail sure it’s real.”_ He was silent, tucking a stray blonde hair behind her ear. _“Don’t say no yet, it could be wrong. You could still go.”_

 

 _“And if you are?”_ He asked her softly, she sniffed and cleared her throat trying so hard to be strong for him. _“You can’t possibly think I could leave knowing I’m going to be a father,”_ at small part of her was bitter at his words, he would stay for a child but not for her and as selfish as that sounded it’s how she felt.

“ _We’ll figure it out then okay?”_ Was the only thing she could say without feeling too angry.

 

“I think everything is packed,” Bellamy’s voice pulled Clarke from her memories and she smiled at him. “You sure you won’t go to the airport with me” he moved from across the room to her and dragged her into a hug. “I’d like it if you went.” Clarke’s rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, breathing him in and enjoying the warmth of him.

 

“You honestly don’t need another crying woman there” she reasoned pulling away to look up at him, he was so beautiful. “Plus I’m trying to be strong, I don’t think I can watch you go.” She whispered and he leaned down to capture her lips with his, a long, sad kiss filled with so many raw emotions.

 

“I love you Clarke,” he whispered against her mouth and she felt her lip quiver. “I’m always going to love you”

 

“I love you too.” She opened her eyes and looked into his eyes, those beautiful dark eyes of his. “More than you could possibly know” her fingers traced his face, wanting to memorize every inch of him. “Don’t look back Bellamy.” He furrowed his eyes “Don’t wait I mean, that’s what we agreed on remember.”

 

“Clarke you agreed” he buried his face in her neck. Her hands were in his hair.

 

“Seven years is a long time Bellamy, it’s better if we move on. See other people.” He made a sound of protest “I won’t stop loving you, but if my life takes a turn or even if you find someone who you love more than me don’t let it get away.” She soothed as he pulled away to look her.

 

“Princess I could never love someone more than I love you,” he looked like he meant it, but she knew he’d find someone his age and who loved digging as much as he did. So she smiled at him.

 

“Bellamy it’s time to go- oh, sorry” Octavia stopped at the hall at the sight of them at his door way. Clarke turned to her best friend and smiled, letting her know it was okay, so Octavia stepped closer. “You ready Bell?” As her brother moved to get his bag, Octavia reached for Clarke’s hand and held it tightly, in their eyes a secret only the two knew about.

 

“Are you?” Bellamy asked, his sister was accepted into Georgetown University, one of the top ranking schools in DC, unlike Bellamy who was moving several thousand miles away, Octavia would only be a thirty minutes drive from home so she could visit their Mom on the weekend or whenever she wanted.

 

“Mom’s going to have massive empty bird nest syndrome” Octavia joked as she watched her brother lift his duffel bag over his shoulder, he would be traveling light. “Besides I don’t have to leave until tomorrow morning.” She gloated as she snatched Bellamy’s truck keys from his hand. “I’ll take those. See you later Clarke.” She said softly as she bounced away.

 

“So this is it.” He said, he sounded like he was holding back tears.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke looked into his eyes and took hold of his shirt by the chest and reached up to kiss him. One final passionate kiss, one kiss that said it all to him, her love, her anger, her sadness and happiness. A kiss that would have to last her the rest of her life. When they pulled away, Bellamy rested his forehead against hers. “May we meet again.” She said, kissing her forehead he repeated.

 

“May we meet again,” and with that he walked out of the room, out of the hallway and when she heard the front door close shut she stepped into his room, the tears began and fell to the floor at the edge of his bed, his smelled still surrounding her, holding onto her stomach as she cried. He left and took her heart with him.

 

Heartache was so bittersweet because it’s not like it ended because they didn’t love each other, they did, so much. Sacrifice she realized sometimes was also part of loving someone and those sacrifices meant she had to selflessly let him fulfill his heart's desire even if she selfishly wanted to keep him.

 

Clarke had envisioned her life next to Bellamy, she had seen the white picket fence and the tire swing on the front porch, the dog running wildly with children all over the house. She had pictured herself with a room that was cluttered in paint and tiny little feet that had gotten into her watercolors. She saw a living room full of certificates and scattered papers on the fancy dining room table where Bellamy’s papers created utter chaos that brought unity to a home… their home. A home that seemed more a dream than a possibility.

 

She fell asleep there on the floor at the edge of his bed, heart wishing for what was no longer a possibility for her, hours later when Octavia came home to find her there she helped her move onto the bed and got into bed with her best friend. She laid behind Clarke, dragging her into a spooning position, her hand resting on Clarke’s stomach.

 

“You should have told him” Octavia said after a few moments of silence where the two girls adjusted to their positions. Her hand protectively over held Clarke’s stomach. “He would have stayed”

 

“That’s why I didn’t O,” Clarke replied, her hand coming over Octavia’s hand. “He would have blamed me for the rest of his life and he would come to hate me.”

 

“Clarke-“

 

“Octavia he deserved this” Clarke said, eyes looking to the frame of Bellamy winning some science decathlon in his senior year. “I couldn’t hold him back,”

 

“He’s going to be so mad he missed this though”

 

“We won’t let him miss it remember… we’ll keep history books.” Octavia scoffed at her best friend and nuzzled closer to her shoulder.

 

“I’m leaving tomorrow morning,” Octavia said.

 

“You won’t be far.” Clarke reassured. Both girls grew silent after that and fell into a comfortable sleep.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

**2018**

 

“So it’s what you asked for, big yard, white fence, two floors, large kitchen and look there’s even a tire swing in the front.” The realtor was walking through the old, newly renovated house as she showed her client the home. It was beautiful, white with oak windows panes and a huge wooden door. The floors were oak, dark and beautiful. There were large open spaces and light filtered through all corners of the house.

 

There were four bedrooms upstairs and large studio down stairs, four bathrooms, a living room and dining room as well as a beautiful and open kitchen. It was a house of her dreams. She loved it.

 

“Mom! There’s a huge garden out here” the excited voice of a girl echoed through the empty space as she rushed towards her mother, hair long and dark, eyes a deep blue. She smiled as she approached the realtor and her mom. “Can we keep it?” Her eyes large as her dark blue eyes looked into her mother's lighter blue eyes.

 

“You like it Madi?” The older woman asked, but already knowing she would be signing the papers to own this house.

 

“Mom I love it”

 

“Good me too,” Madi’s mother said with a laugh. “You have the paper’s?” The realtor took out the documentation needed.

 

“Just need your signature Dr. Griffin.” Dr. Griffin exhaled, and began to sign the papers where she was instructed. Everyday of the last twelve years had lead her to this moment. To her house, with her fence and her art studio, her degrees and her kid. Yeah, it was time she finally had something she dreamed for herself to come true. So she signed on the dotted lines.

 

_Clarke A Griffin_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes this is a multi chapter and I will try to update as frequently as possibly, and since I’m home cause I’ve just had surgery that could be anywhere from twice a day or at least once a day! Enjoy it!!

** 2006 **

“ It’s  in  perfect  condition,” both Clarke and Octavia  turned from their place by the front  door of “Reyes Autoshop” to look at the bronze skinned brunette who made her way toward  them with a bit  of grease on her cheek. She was  wiping her hands  of  muck as she stopped in  front of the girls, Clarke put  another small spoon full  of  strawberry frozen  yogurt  in her mouth. “Bellamy really  took care  of  it,  I mean the thing  is from 97, that’s a  nine  year  old  truck .” The mechanic  continued. 

 

“Yeah, his pride and  joy” Octavia muttered as she shifted in her  spot.  Clarke looked between the two and  continued to eat her frozen  yogurt. “ It’s  in  perfect  condition, but  what’s wrong with it?” Octavia gave the  mechanic a very  sharp, cool stare. 

 

Silence. 

 

“Damn  Octavia  you just don't change do you?” The girl chuckled as she  put her hands  on her hips. “Well it needs a battery for  starters.” She  turned to look at the red 1997 Silverado Pickup truck, it had been Bellamy’s  baby and he had passed  it on to Octavia when he left five months ago. “The cat needs to be replaced, and  it’s time  to change  the drive  belt tensioner.” 

 

“Cat?” Clarke asked as she pulled the small blue  spoon from her  mouth. 

 

“Short for Catalytic Converter” the  mechanic turned her  attention briefly on Clarke, deep brown  eyes followed down  to  the  round belly hidden behind  Clarke’s sweater. It was April and there was a chill spring breeze this week in DC, comfortable but cool  enough  that Octavia  forced a sweater on  Clarke before they left their  apartment. “Are you....” 

 

“Uh yeah,”  Clarke knew what the girl was  asking before  she even  finished  her sentence “ it’s a  girl,”  the mechanic was  silent.

 

“It’s  not Collin’s,  It’s Bellamy’s, Raven.”  Octavia tore through the  silence in deep  annoyance. There was  a history  between Clarke and Raven, a long  painful history that  involved a stupid  boy  named Finn Collins.  Raven cleared  her throat. 

 

“I  wasn’t asking” Raven  looked back at the truck to hide her  blush. 

 

“No but you sure had a look in  your eyes like  you were about too” Raven scowled and crossed her arms. “Is it gonna cost?”

 

“No,” Raven  sighed and  turns to the  girls “yes.” She looked at the two girls and  rubbed her forehead “battery is gonna be  like $150, and the cat in parts alone is  like $300,  that’s not including labor.”

 

“Shit”  Octavia cursed as she  rubbed her face in  frustration. Raven was silent again, “ spit it  out.”  Octavia said  knowing Raven  well enough  to know she had more  to say.

 

“You need brakes too,”

 

“Christ,  you said  it’s in good  condition!”  Octavia protested as  Clarke  walked  away to  throw her frozen yogurt cup  in  the trash.

 

“It is!” Raven argued “ But  older cars need TLC,  and this car has  like 75,000 miles! ” 

 

“How  much are the brakes?” Clarke asked putting  a hand on Octavia’s shoulder to  try and calm the  hot head down. Raven made a thinking face  before  speaking.

 

“I  could  charge $100 for both parts and labor.”  Raven looked at  Clarke again “ pay for the brakes and battery and  buy the  parts for the cat,  I won’t charge you  labor”  Clarke raised a brow “ you’re looking at  roughly around $550 plus tax” 

 

“Oh my  god” Octavia gasped and Clarke patted  her back,

 

“ You could change the drive belt tensioner at a  different time” Raven said  sympathetically and Octavia  groaned. It had been  making a a weird  noise for the  past two  weeks so the  girls had  brought it here hoping it  wasn’t  anything big, how  wrong  they  had been. 

 

“Do  it, all of it. Drive belt and  everything.”  Clarke  said before Octavia  could  further meltdown. “ I’ll take care of it”

 

“Clarke no!” Octavia pulled the  blonde to the side. “No, this is expensive! Think of the  baby”

 

“I am,”  Clarke said  with a  smile,  suddenly  she wanted a hot dog. “Look  I  can  take care of it, and it’ll  take care of  us.” She laughed  at Octavia’s face “O  honestly it’ll be  fine. I  have a lot  of money saved from the many years of  Christmas  gift from the Griffin- Hugh’s family  members. I promise  I’ll  live.” A small whining  noise left  Octavia as  Clarke  looked over to Raven. 

 

“ It’s okay Raven, fix her up.  I’m gonna  need that  truck  to drive me  home from the  hospital when this  baby comes.” Raven nodded and put her  thumb and  forefinger together in an ‘O’  shape  signaling an okay “Raven!”  Clarke called as she began  to walk away.  Approaching her  Clarke  put her hands in the back pockets of her shorts. “I heard from  Sinclair,  you’re looking for an apartment.” 

 

“Yeah,”  turned  her full  attention  on Clarke. 

 

“O and  I  could really  use another roommate”  Clarke  began “ I mean so  long as  you  don’t mind that there will be a  baby  on  the way and  Octavia’s explosive  temper.”  Raven  watched  them both,  Clarke who stood there beautifully in  her pregnant belly and Octavia who looked like the  beautiful leader  of  a biker gang  with her dark jeans and maroon shirt, long black hair in a high pony tail,  sunglasses on  top of her head. 

 

“ I’ll  check the room  out,”  Raven said as she began  to walk away,  she smiled  to herself as  Octavia called  out.

 

“Just say  yes  already!” 

 

 

** 2018 **

 

“We’re back bitches!!!”  Octavia’s voice  could be heard  echoing  throughout the large  house. Boxes were littered everywhere and the  furniture would be arriving momentarily. A  white  Labrador came running towards her, jumping  up  to greet her as his tail  wagged in  excitement. “Hello Monet,  you beautiful creature”  besides Octavia, was  Madi  who was carrying a  huge McDonalds bag and from behind the two was a tall, dark handsome man  with a  brooding  face and multiple tribal  tattoos on  his arms. He carried the  rest of the bags along with the drinks. On his finger, same as  Octavia’s was a wedding  ring. 

 

“ Don’t say bitches”  Clarke said as she walked  out  of  the large room that  would be her  studio  to help her  daughter  with the bags. 

 

“Yeah what is  this the eighties?” Raven asked as she plucked a  fry from th bag, having emerged  from  the backyard .  They  scattered  the  food on be  kitchen  counters and each went  for  their own meal. Madi loving  her two cheese burgers  and ten  pieces of  nuggets, climbed and sat on t he  countertop and  enjoyed  her meal , andwhile usually  Clarke would have disapproved,  since they  didn’t have a  table to eat  at yet she let it slide. 

 

“So tell me Clarke,  how does it  feel  being back  in Arkadia after all this  time?” Octavia asked as she munched on some fries. Clarke looked over  to  Madi who was eye her mother’s Oreo  McFlury,  smiling  she turned to Octavia.

 

“Weird.” was her reply as she took a  bite  of her  cheese burger. In  all honestly it  was the  opportunity  to work in Arkadia’s history Museum  that  brought her  back. Of  course  it didn’t compare  to the Smithsonian Institusion but that  didn’t mean  that Arkadia  didn’t  have one impressive History museum. Recently they had an  opening for the director of the Historical Arts, they needed  someone who was well studied  in authenticating old,  historical paintings and Dr. Clarke A Griffin was  beyond qualified for the the position. 

 

Clarke had  entered college the fall that Madi was  born,  having applied  to Georgetown Univisetity and entetng a year  after Octavia,  she got her BA in Art and got hired at the Smithsoian  where she was  surprisingly good with Historical Art,  she was into it or maybe she wanted a  reason  to connect  with  the man who had  fathered her child. Before she  turned twenty-eight she had  gotten her Doctrate in Arts.

 

She  had shown  incredible promise at the Smithsonian, worked there since  she was twenty-two,  she remembered how more than  one  ocassion she had seen Bellamy’s  name  on  artifacts that were sent to the Smithsonian from  excavisions he had been part of. The first time had nearly made her heart stop, she cried so  hard knowing how close yet how far  they  were. 

 

Three months ago,  when she  had been contacte  by Marcus Kane, the owner  of  the Museum, she  didn’t think twice about  accepting the offer. W hen she anounced she would be leaving after nine years of being part of the team, everyone at  the  museum had been devastated.  Some begged  her  to stay but eventually they  understood  that  this was  another  part of her journey. The  night she told Madi, the kid almost  looked  like she  would jump  out of  her skin. She knew that her Aunt  Octavia  lived in Arkadia with her Uncle  Lincoln. 

 

Clarke knew that Madi was vaguely aware that her Gradmother’s both  lived in Arkadia, and  that her Grandfather Jake also  lived there and knowing  that Clarke  wondered if she also  understood that somewhere  in Arkadia her  father also lived there.  So much had happened in  the years  since Bellamy left and she never  had the chance to actually  have a proper  conversation with him.

 

Her parents knew  about Madi,  but Madi  has never been to Arkadia, her parents had always  visited her in DC. She had a big enough apartment and for some reason  the Holidays were always  planned in DC, something  about them getting a Vacation  from the small town of  Arkadia,  she couldn’t blame them. 

 

Aurora was never formally introduced to Madi, but Clarke knew that the older woman had her  suspicions  about who the  father was. First  time the older woman  had seen  Madi, was in 2011 when  Madi  had been five. She had come to DC to spend  time with Octavia  after  getting the news that Bellamy  would be staying another two  years at the  excavision site.

 

Clarke had walked into their apartment with Madi on  her hip  while Aurora  was  enjoying a nice cup of coffee. The shock of  seeing Mama Blake had momentarily paralyzed her. She never asked her,  not directly  but  Clarke knew  that her daughter  was the spitting image of her father.

 

Then there was Bellamy.... he had never been told the truth and after some time Clarke  missed the chance to  tell him. Well honestly at first  not telling him was  out of anger, when Madi was two years old Clarke was informed of Bellamy’s  engagement to a woman named Roma. Almost three  years after  he left and he was engaged. It had hurt her, cut at her and she figured  if he  moved  on so  neatly with his life there was  no need  to tell him. The same year  Aurora found  out  about Madi,  Bellamy’s wife divorced him and ran  away with some guy named Atom. He asked for a two year extension and  by then Clarke and Bellamy’s lives had been severely severed. 

 

When Clarke had the nerve  to tell Bellamy  about Madi again, she was  almost nine and  he had moved back  to Arkadia. Clarke had left Madi with Raven back in D.C and gone home to Arkadia to seek him  out.  She was prepared for his anger,  his accusations and  possibly the look of  betrayal he would toss her  but  finally she would tell him. She was only parking at the  Blake’s  house when the front door burst open and a  furious Octavia stormed  out of the  house. Bellamy hot on her heels, as  Clarke got  out of the car Octavia quickly made her  way towards her  best friend.

 

“ _You’re a real piece of work!”_ Octavia  shot over  her  shoulder  to her brother who was  momentarily struck at the  sight of  Clarke who he had not seen in years. To  Clarke he had been  stunning. “ _You know what you_ _deserve it.”_ She  said with malice and she  pushed Clark back  into the car,  blocking  her from his view “ _don’t get_ _out”_ Octavia said as she slammed he front door of the old Pick-Up that Clarke had  bought from Octavia  once upon a time. 

 

“ _Why are_ _you so mad?!”_ His  eyes  were blazing, he was avoiding looking at Clarke who sat inside his old pickup _“_ _ you can’t give me one  good reason can you?”  _

 

_“I can!”_ Octavia  shouted, hot tears threatening  her eyes. _“I can give_ _ you the best reason  in  the  _ _world,”_ her shoulders  straightened “ _but you_ _don’t deserve it”_ with that she got in  the car  and told Clarke to drive away. So Clarke did and she never turned back.

 

Madi would be twelve soon, so  many years had passed and now Clark was wondering if  maybe she should  have told Bellamy but when she  remembered  the reason Octavia  had  fought her  brother  all those years ago, she felt the familiar resentment. 

 

Clarke watched as Madi tried to  sneakily  grab her  McFlury but she was quicker than her daughter and put a  spoonful in  her  mouth  earning herself a pout. God her baby  was  beautiful 

 

“Mooom!!” Madi  whined making Clarke laugh, handing  the McFlury  over,  Madi  practically jumped off  the counter and  ran  outside with Monet hot on her tail. 

 

“He’s going  to know” Octavia said “you  being  here,  he’ll take  one  look  at her and he’ll  know.”  Clarke  moved to look  out the  large window  in the kitchen  that gave her full  view of  the backyard. 

 

“Yeah,  I know.” She felt her  heart  fill with pride at the sight of her  daughter  crashing  down onto the hammock Raven had put  up. “ I’m ready.” 

 

“You  declaring war Griffin?” Raven asked, the room went  silent and when Clarke turned to them  with a gleam  in  her  eyes she smiled. A  beautifully defiant  smile that made  Octavia grin. 

 

“ I’m gonna give him hell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, things will explained in years and any little thing I might give you will eventually be explained I’ll try to leave no question unanswered!! Enjoy :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so clearly I'm bored and dishing chapters out left and right, this one was actually written on my laptop so its longer. enjoy!

**2006**

 

It was an early morning in June when Clarke woke up feeling weird, outside her room she could hear Raven and Octavia’s voices as they went about their usual morning routines. The air was sticky as summer was in full swing and Clarke had left the window open to try and let the warmth in. As it turned out, both Octavia and Raven were fiends for having the a/c at abnormally low temperatures. Raven had moved into their three bedroom apartment back in April, Octavia had been right, Raven didn’t think twice before agreeing to move in with them. It only took a few weeks before the issue between Clarke and Raven was addressed. A little over a year ago, Clarke found herself dating Finn Collins, Rave’s boyfriend, even if at the time Clarke hadn’t known it.  Raven had been a family friend of the Blake’s that usually visited in the summer, when she had come home the summer before Clarke’s senior year to find her in her boyfriend’s bedroom shit had hit the fan.

 

Clarke had been devastated, heartbroken and embarrassed. Both girls had eventually ended up in Octavia’s house, for a while they had said nothing then Clarke had spoken and apologized, explaining that she really didn’t know and that if she had known she would have never gotten involved with Finn. Raven believed her, she had left early that summer and sometime before the start of Senior year Finn Collins was sporting a nice little shiner and busted lip. Clarke would eventually learn it came from Bellamy who had finally cornered him and beat him to a near pulp for what he had done.

 

Maybe that was the start of the shift of Clarke’s affection for Bellamy Blake and god only knew that what she eventually ended up feeling for the older Blake was unlike anything she had ever felt before in her life. Now it was two summers after the fact and they were finally making real peace with each other. Raven had become so protective of her, almost bordering Octavia’s protective nature. She got that from her older brother’s overbearing nature. They talked almost everyday at the same time. Bellamy never called her, not once since he had left.

 

Sitting up from her bed Clarked exhaled sharply, unsure as to why she felt so bad on that particular day. Her eyes landed on her clock, it was 8:23 am, eyes darting to the calendar she registered that it was the 5th of June. She moved from the bed and exhaled again, she felt discomfort somewhere in her lower back but she rubbed at the discomfort as she made her way outside towards the kitchen.

 

“So I told him _‘we’ll see’_ and walked away.” Octavia was telling the story of the guy she had meet a few days ago. Some guy named Lincoln that had in her words, taken the air out of her lungs. Clarke moved silently to sit on at the small table as Raven poured her an orange juice and served her a plate of eggs. She didn’t want to tell her that she wasn’t hungry because everytime she did, the look the latina gave her was enough to scare Clarke into being hungry.

 

“Did you at least give him your number?” Raven asked as she eyed Clarke who half heartedly picked up her fork.

“No,” Octavia put a glass of milk on the table as she came out of the kitchen and took the seat opposite of Clarke, she literally had both overprotective girls on either side of her. “But I have his number.” Octavia leaned back into the chair and took a sip of her coffee, a condensing smirk on her lips. “I’m gonna text him later.” Clarke continued to say nothing as she tried her damn hardest to ignore her lower back pains. Wondering if maybe she had slept badly.

 

“Hopefully he’s still interested.” Raven mused as she put cheese on Clarke’s plate, when Clarke made a face of annoyance she eyed the blonde again. “What?” Clarke shook her head. “Clarke what?”

 

“Nothing, I’m just feeling weird today.” she said in a small voice which had both girl’s turning to her faster than she could blink. Raven was technically the only one who wasn’t a teenager anymore, being that both Clarke and Octavia were nineteen while Raven was twenty. “It’s no big deal.” she tried to ease their worry.

 

“Weird how?” Octavia asked quickly setting her coffee cup on the table. “Where? Are you hurting?” Clarked shooed Octavia’s hand as she tried to reach for her stomach, honestly she wasn’t in the mood to be touched right now.

 

“Just weird, I left the window open last night, I dunno maybe it wasn’t a good idea.” she shouldn’t have admitted to that, she knew how adamantly against leaving the window open both girls were.

 

“You did _what?_!” Raven barked making Clarke’s eyes dart away from her. “You’re impossible!!! I’ve told you multiple times not to do that!” something about the dangers of the world and how someone could come in through the window was always Raven’s argument. Except they lived four stories up.

 

“I was cold!” Clarke protested like a small child, momentarily forgetting her pain. “I wanted some warm air.” Clarke didn’t dare to ask for Octavia’s help as her argument was always that leaving the window open was letting the air out and thus they were losing money by making the a/c work harder.

 

“Clarke….honestly.” Octavia shook her head and rolled her eyes, picking up her coffee cup again. They argued for a while more before they went back to gossiping and chatting about Octavia’s current man crush. At around Nine both Octavia and Raven left, Octavia for her morning classes and Raven to the shop to work on some transmission she was eager to finish reconditioning. Both girl’s promising to be back by two for lunch.

 

They left Clarke alone with her history books, something she had started reading since Bellamy had left. She thought back to the fact that in the seven months since he had been gone, not once had he tried to make any kind of contact with her. He called his sister almost daily so she knew that it wasn’t for a lack of communication efforts, if he could call Octavia he could call her, but he never did. what ever happened to loving her and never forgetting her. Was it all lies? In the end was the one who truly loved him, her?

 

She thought back to the conversation she had heard Bellamy have with Octavia when he still thought she had been pregnant. It was almost a week after she had taken the blood test and she had gotten a letter in the mail confirming what she already knew. The lab report was 99.9% positive, she was pregnant. She had snuck into his room, and from the slightly opened door she had heard Octavia talking to Bellamy.

 

 _“Are you even ready to be a father Bell?”_ the then eighteen year old Octavia asked, Bellamy sighed and Clarked assumed he put his face in his hands.

 

 _“No, not really. I didn’t plan to have children until much later.”_ He confessed even though he had told Clarke in the park that having a baby was just as good as Egypt. _“I wanted Egypt more than anything in the world O, if she’s pregnant I don’t know what I’m going to do...why did I study so hard if I was going to mess it all up.”_ the words hit Clarke like a freight train, rooted to the room without a sound. _“I won’t ask her to get rid of it.”_ he told his sister. _“But we’re so young, I’m not ready for this._ ” Clarke wanted to run away, to find a dark corner and cry but instead she quietly moved from Bellamy’s room to Octavia’s room.

 

Almost an hour later when Octavia came into her room to her best friend in tears she didn’t need to ask why. Instead she sat down next to Clarke on her bed and accepted the lab results her friend handed her. Sighing she looked over to the sniffling blonde.

 

 _“I can’t tell him.”_ Clarke whispered. _“I can’t take his dream from him O.”_ she sounded so completely torn and broken so Octavia took her in her arms, letting the lab report fall to the ground and let her cry. Cooing and stroking her hair as she soothed the pretty blonde.

 

 _“Okay,”_ Octavia said, holding onto the girl who held her for support.

 

 _“What do I do?”_ Clarke had cried into her shoulder as she broke more and more in her friend’s arms.

 

 _“We don’t have to tell him, at least not now.”_ Already the gears in the brunette’s head were spinning. _“We can tell him for now that it came back negative._ ”

 

 _“He’s gonna want to see this.”_ Clarke pmotioned to the piece of paper on the floor. _“That doesn’t say I’m not pregnant._ ”

 

 _“But it will.”_ Octavia began. _“‘I’ll fabricate it.”_ She let go of Clarke, sat down at her desk and pulled open the word document. _“He’ll get to go work and when he comes back we’ll tell him, he’ll be mad but he’ll understand.”_ the youngest Blake explained. _“For him, because we love him we can sacrifice this much for him….right?”_ she looked uncertain but Clarke understood.

 

“ _Yeah, we can. We’ll do it together.”_ Clarke said as took the seat next to Octavia, the lab report in her hand.

 

 _“Yeah, Together.”_ together was how she and Octavia deceived Bellamy Blake into thinking Clarke wasn’t pregnant. Together they planned to move to D.C to hide Clarke’s pregnancy from the eyes of the small town of Arkadia before the news could reach Bellamy. Together they had gone through this pregnancy as sisters.

 

Now Clarke wondered if Octavia regretted it, regretted not telling her mother or her brother. Clarke had told her parents and while her mother almost practically disowned her, her father at least made her promise she would start school after the baby was born. They accepted, it took her mother a little longer but she was happy that Clarke wasn’t in Arkadia where rumours would surely swirl around her like gusting winds.

 

Now she was eight months into her pregnancy and on this particular day for some reason very uncomfortable. She wondered if she should call her mom but instead fell asleep on the couch. A few hours later at around 12:30 pm Clarke woke up feeling like she had peed all over herself. Sitting up she looked at the huge wet spot on the couch and the bit of water on the floor and immediately it was followed by the worst kind of pain she had ever felt in her entire life.

 

 _‘No’_ Clarke panicked as she gripping the armrest of the couch, she was early, the baby was a month early. She made a low throaty sound of pain as another wave of hit her. “Shit.” She whispered wondering where her damn phone was.

 

Charging in her room.

 

“For fuck’s sake.” Clarke cursed as she stood, moving quickly to the handset on the kitchen counter. Quickly dialing Octavia’s cell phone, it went straight to voicemail. Cursing again she called the auto shop. Wick, the advisor picked up.

 

“You’ve reach Reyes Auto Shop, Wick speaking how can I help you?” in the back she could hear the sound of a car turning on.

 

“Wick!” she groaned in pain just as another contraction hit. They were too close.

 

“Yo Grif, what’s going on?” Clearly oblivious to the strain in her voice.

 

“I need to talk to Raven.” She was sweating, she was in so much pain that she was sweating.

 

“She’s kind of bus-” He didn’t finish his sentence from the other end of the line Clarke let out a loud, painful yell as the contraction intensified. “Shit” Clarke heard him drop the phone and distinctly heard him shout _‘REYES!!’_ Clarked tried to focus on her breathing, as the birthing classes had instructed her to do. From the line he could hear Wick try to explain the situation to Raven before the latina’s voice came clear through.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“My water broke.” Clarke managed to say through gritted teeth. Raven cursed and she thought she may have heard her say something about being home in ten minutes, but she just nodded and hung up. True to her word, Raven burst through the front door ten minutes later.

 

“Hey!” She said as she found Clarke gripping tightly to one of the chairs of their breakfast table. “I’m here, is the bag ready?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded, pointing towards her bedroom. She heard Raven curse because the damn window was still open, heard her close it, find the baby bag and rush out of the room. She took the keys to the old Chevy truck and rush towards Clarke. “We’ll discuss the window later” She warned and it made Clarke laugh despite her pain.

 

Raven rushed them to the hospital and they arrived with Octavia rushing in a few minutes after. Wick had been tasked with getting the news to the youngest Blake. When she saw Clarke in the wheelchair she nearly lost it started crying, apologizing for not being there. Everything else happened in a whirlwind, Clarke’s parents were called and an hour later they were in the hospital. Three hours after that Clarke had was dilated enough to kick everyone but her mother out of the room while she was prepped to give birth.

 

At 5:12 pm on June 5th 2006, one month before her due date, weighing 7 pounds and 20 inches long. Madi Aelia Blake-Griffin was born. From the moment Clarke laid her eyes on her daughter’s small little face she fell completely and irrevocably in love with her daughter, and cruelly even more in love with Bellamy.

 

**2018**

 

Two weeks later, and Clarke was standing in the office of Arkadia Middle school, completely focused as she filled out the application to Madi’s soon to be school. Classes would resume August 20 and Madi had just turned Twelve two days ago. They had, had a little party that doubled as the home welcoming party since they had just finished unpacking and setting the house up, even Aurora was invited and while Clarke still didn’t confirm what Aurora suspected she was beyond thrilled to be there. Now it was 9 am on a Tuesday and she was quietly filling out all of Madi’s information.

 

“Her grades are phenomenal.” Harper Green, the office attendant remarked as she looked over Madi’s transcripts. “Will you be putting her in any gifted courses?” Clarke looked up at Harper, one of the may familiar faces she came across since she returned to Arkadia, and by the last name she knew exactly who it was she had married.

 

“Only if she wants.” she replied, going back to writing Octavia’s and Lincoln’s names on the Emergency contact information. That didn’t miss Harper’s eyes but she didn’t comment on it. They were silent for a few moments while they continued the applications when the door to the office opened.

 

“Oh, Hey! You here to make sure the plaque is ready?” Clarke didn’t look up as Harper greeted her guest. She had saved putting Madi’s full name for last, instead focused on her primary physicians, allergies if any (Peanuts), name of her old school, date of transfer, emergency contact information. Then she looked back up and began to fill out Madi’s name, Harper was chatting it up but whoever had walked in hadn’t said a single word. When she reached Madi’s last name she paused, wondered if she should put only Griffin or her full hyphenated name. It was at that time that the door to the office opened again and Clarke heard the excited voice of her daughter call out.

 

“Mom this place is great!” She rushed towards her, long dark hair was a mess surely from running the halls. Octavia strolled up besides Clarke seemingly tense but she didn’t know why. “Aunt O even showed me where the soccer field is!”

 

“You plan on trying out?” Clarke was entirely focused on her daughter, ignoring how Harper made a surprised face at the name Madi had referred to Octavia Blake as.

 

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna be even better than Aunt O was when she was here.”

 

“I don’t think that’s even possible.” Octavia challenged and soon both had that infamous Blake look in their eyes, stubborn and hardheaded and headstrong.

 

“Oh uh Clarke, You didn’t write Madi’s last name.” Harper said as she looked over to the documentation Clarke had left unfinished, distracted by her daughter and friend. Clarke turned to Harper but Octavia spoke.

 

“Blake-Griffin.” she stated simply, there was a certain fierceness in her voice that Clarke couldn’t place.

 

“What?” Harper asked, eyes going from Clarke to Madi to someone who was standing off in the corner of the room. Confused, Clarked turned to see who was standing behind her and at the sight of the man who looked like his world was turning on its axis, dark eyes focusing on Madi, Clarke felt her heart skip a beat. She should have realized it the moment that Octavia had walked in and tensely stood beside her. Bellamy Blake was frozen where he stood and Clarke turned back to Harper.

 

“Yeah Blake-Griffin.” Clarke repeated, taking the documentation and writing down the last name. Madi had yet to notice him, she hadn’t seen laid eyes on him just yet.

 

“Blake like Aunt O,” Madi said not understanding Harper’s confusion, but eager to clarify and explain it. “And Griffin like mom. It’s hyphenated.” Madi beamed proud of both her last names. “Hey mom, after here can we get a milkshake at the diner?” Clarked winked at her daughter which was code for ‘Yes’, fisting her hand in victory Madi began to chat with Octavia about how she couldn’t believe that Brazil had lost the world cup. Clarke moved quickly to finish the documentation and Harper worked just as quickly sensing the tension in the air.

 

“Okay she’s all set up, you’ll get a letter in the mail before school with her home room.” Harper said as Clarked gathered all her paperwork and put them away in a briefcase.

 

“Thank you Harper.” Clarke said as she turned to Madi. “Baby you ready?”

 

“Oh yeah, Aunt O said they have Oreo flavored Milkshakes. I can already taste it.” Clarke laughed and took her daughter’s hand, Octavia stood back as she watched the two pass by Bellamy with only one small glance at him before walking past him as if she didn’t just drop the world biggest bomb on him. Once Clarke was outside and Madi was out of ear range, in that office with Harper as witness, Octavia spoke to her brother again for the first time in four years.

“Do you remember what the last thing I said to you four years ago was?” she questioned, voice harsh, eyes stoic. She looked at him with so much contempt that Bellamy felt himself physically gulp. It took him a while to answer but when he did his voice was low.

 

“You said I didn’t deserve to know.” his mind was still spinning, looking at that child who looked so much like Clarke but then so much like him had left his world in pieces on the ground.

 

“You still don’t deserve it.” Octavia’s words cut right through him and he finally looked into his sister’s dark green eyes. She was beautiful, had grown up to be such an amazing woman. Together with her husband they opened a veterinary clinic and pharmacy. Octavia had specialized in all sorts of normal pets, while Lincoln was specialized in the exotic animals. She had grown and carved a life all on her own and been part of a life he had no idea of its existence until that moment. Something hit him in that moment, the last time he had seen his sister, he had seen her too...seen Clarke, but Octavia had shoved her back into that old Chevy that he thought had been sold to some stranger.

 

“That day...she was there.”

 

“She was.” Octavia confirmed, “She had come to tell you.” Octavia decided at that moment she didn’t feel like continuing to interact with her brother, as she moved passed him he reached and stopped her, grabbing her arm.

 

“You stopped her...you didn’t let her tell me.” he made his sister look at him. “Why? It would have been so easily cleared then, why didn’t you let her tell me!” He was angry now but his sister could match his temper.

 

“Because you didn’t fucking deserve to know.” She didn’t yell no, Octavia’s cool and calm deliverance of the line was far more harmful than her raising her voice. Shoving past her brother and out the office she quickly made her way to the old Chevy Pick Up that was waiting for her. Getting into the front seat, she took hold of Clarke’s hand for support and they drove off, listening to Madi go on about the FIFA.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So even I got confused a little with the dates and had to go back to fix a few things to make sure it all added up perfectly. I'm really enjoying remembering all the technology of the early 2000's and I really want a lot to be authentic so i've had to think back to really think. Anyways enjoy this chapter!

**2008**

 

“She looks nothing like Finn,”  October was always a nice medium between cool and warm being a month that was smack in the middle of fall. The leaves had begun to change colors in D.C and the energy in the neighborhood was clearly in the spirit of Halloween which was only a few days away. Clarke arched an eyebrow at the mention of Finn’s name coming from her oldest friend beside Octavia. Wells Jaha was the son of the Senator, and currently working as a Lawyer at Jaha firm. His father had been a Lawyer before he had been a politician and his son Wells had taken after him. Wells was a rather handsome young man with strong features and smooth dark skin, his eyes were large and his mouth alway wore a smooth smile.

 

“Finn?” Clarke chuckled as she picked Madi up, her five year old was currently very interested in terrorizing all the ants in the playground. Madi’s deep blue eyes looked at her mother scornfully and then turned to Wells as if he too was cause for her mother keeping her away from the tiny crawlers.

 

“Her father.” Wells continued as Clarke suddenly looked at him incredulously. “Is he not?”

 

“Why on earth would you think that Finn Collins would have fathered my kid? Do you not remember what he did to me and Raven?” Clarke had started walking out of the park she was in with Wells following beside her, Madi on her hip as she looked at Wells.

 

“That’s my line,” He half muttered to himself, as Clarke reached the red pickup handed Madi over to Wells who graciously took her and made faces to the beautiful two years old. “So...I mean can I know who then?”

 

“Bellamy” She said his name with a bitter taste in her mouth as she took her daughter from Wells and put her in her car seat, buckling her up for the ride back home.

 

“Blake?!” he sounded almost completely shocked. “Bellamy Blake? As in Octavia's older brother?” looking to the two year old that began to play with a soccer ball he suddenly noticed very clearly the Blake family features. “Oh yeah, she’s the spitting image.”

 

“So why did you mention Finn?” Wells looked away at her question and looked over to Madi.

 

“There’s been rumors.” He said softly, leaning against the door of the open of the Chevy. “About you and Finn”

 

“I haven’t been in Arkadia in almost four years, how can there possibly be rumors?”

 

“Finn’s here.” his words gave her pause. “He’s been in D.C for about as long as you’ve been here.” he continued, “He’s one of my partners.” he shifted uncomfortably. “He kept denying his paternal involvement with her but I-”

 

“Is that why you asked to meet me after all these years?” Clarke was furious. “To confirm if Finn was in fact Madi’s dad?” she felt a surge of indignation fill her at the thought that her supposed friend was more interested in gossip than her.

 

“I was worried about you Clarke!” He defended himself as she slammed the door to the back seat shut and swung the driver’s front door open. “If he was, I was going to make him take responsibility!, you’re a single mom-”

 

“Big deal," Clarke was barely containing her anger "Aurora was a single mom and she did well for her kids.” her voice carried venom with it “Do not interfere with me or my kid’s life if I don’t ask you to Wells.”

 

“Is Bellamy not hel-” Clarke again interrupted whatever monologue he was about to launch himself into, whatever self righteous bullshit he was about to say she wasn’t interested in it.

 

“Bellamy doesn’t know.” she stated simply. “I want it to stay that way, so do me a favor and stay out of my life and I’ll kindly stay out of yours” Slamming the door to her truck shut, she turned the engine over and drove away leaving Wells to stand at the entrance of the park. She drove in seething silence until she got home, in the back seat Madi’s cooed and laughed at her soccer ball, a gift from Octavia on her birthday that year.

 

She hated that she found tears making their way down her face as she drove. Madi was so special, so absolutely smart and beautiful. She was in fact the spitting image of her father and unfairly so, everytime she looked at her daughter she saw Bellamy’s freckles, Bellamy’s smile, she was every bit her father in temper and stubbornness. Sometimes it honestly hurt her to look at Madi, especially since last month she had been told by Octavia that Bellamy was engaged to another Archeologist named Roma Evans, Clarke had been shown a picture and she was beautiful.

 

She thought of Bellamy’s last words, as he swore he could never love someone the way he loved her and yet he so readily got himself engaged to another woman and not once in the last almost four years had he called her, not even a letter. She had sent letter, left messages and even tried to email him. He had completely shut her out of his life in the most cruel way possible. God if she had known he could be so cruel, she wouldn’t of had completely lost her heart to him. What was worse was the ghost of a man who used to whisper promises and love to her, haunted her. Where was the man she had fallen in love with? Where was her Bellamy? Or had it all been meaningless words to him?

 

“Mama?” Clarke looked in the rearview mirror to Madi who was staring at her in concern. God she was so smart.

 

“I’m okay baby.” she assured as she parked the truck in front of the apartment complex. Getting out of the truck and opening the back door, she unbuckled Madi and brought her out. “Mom’s alright” She whispered holding her daughter close to her, feeling her warmth and love as her little fingers gripped her neck. “I love you Madi.” She said as she pulled back to look at her baby girl.

 

“Love you mama.” She replied. Smiling Clarke took her purse out of the backseat and headed upstairs where Octavia was slightly panicking that her engagement to Lincoln would not brood well with her older brother, he had always been the overprotective type. From the couch Raven nodded towards Clarke as she set Madi down in her playpen.

 

“What if he hates him?”

 

“So?” Raven asked eating a yogurt laying down. “He didn’t ask you permission when he proposed to what’s her face.”

 

“Roma” Clarke corrected as she took a seat across from Raven who eyed her wearily.

 

“That’s different” Octavia tried to brush them off but both women immediately and in perfect unison asked.

 

“How?” Octavia looked at both of them annoyed at their synchronization.

 

“Well because...just..I don’t know because!” exasperated she fell into the couch where Raven was laying down, forcing the latina to retreat her legs to give her room.

 

“You don’t need his permission to love and be loved.” Clarke said, bitter about so many aspects of that statement. “He clearly didn’t ask for your permission.”

 

“Clarke,” She heard the sympathy in Octavia’s voice and shook her head.

 

“Look it’s not like you’re going to get married right away right?” she rubbed her face. “You’re getting married when he gets back from deployment.” Lincoln was a United States Marine that was currently deployed to Japan, and while Octavia had wanted to get married right away, Lincoln had told her that he wanted to marry her after it was planned down to the last drop of champagne. He wanted to give her a grand wedding unlike anything Arkadia had ever seen. He had left to Japan two weeks ago.

 

“Yeah, I have time to make Bellamy like him.” Octavia whispered smiling at her best friend, silently it broke for her too. She knew talking about Bellamy was unfair to Clarke, what he did was a slap to her face after all the struggles she had face, so she couldn't argue with Clarke when she bitterly declared she wasn't going to tell Bellamy about Madi. She had agreed not to tell Bellamy about Madi back before the girl had been born and while she looked on to her niece, she promised to not say a word now too. When Clarke was ready, Octavia knew she would tell Bellamy and she would welcome that day happily standing behind her.

 

**2015**

 

Her hand was on fire, the feeling of flesh contacting flesh left behind a resonating heat that made her hand ache. Across from her, the recipient of her slap took a moment before he turned to look at her with a mixture of shock and anger. Octavia stood before her brother, anger resonating through her so strongly that it was close to resembling hatred. Aurora could do nothing but watch in horror as her daughter struck out and violently slapped her brother across the face.

 

“You call yourself a man.” She hissed as she looked down at him, chest heaving as she tried rather poorly to restrain her anger. “How long...how long have you been saying these things?” she asked him, her voice low.

 

“It’s the truth.” he replied, finally standing making his sister take a step away from him. His face burned from her attack but he would not touch it, pretend like it didn’t hurt. “After all these years I don’t know how you could still defend her.”

 

“You’re a pig.” Octavia shot at him, furious with him. She couldn’t believe her ears and damn it every second she thought of it the more furious she became with him.

 

“I’m the pig?!” He argued. “She’s the damn whore.”

 

“Shut your mouth” She almost hit him again. “You don’t know anything about anything.”

 

“She fucked Finn Collins and had his kid, Octavia wake up. Your best friend was probably cheating on me the whole time she had been with me.” the topic had surged as Bellamy came crawling home licking his wounds about how his girlfriend Gina had cheated and left him for another, like Roma had and like how Clarke had. According to him though Clarke had been the worst of all, almost forcing someone else’s kid on him.  

 

“Bellamy,” His mother’s voice warned but Octavia shot her mother a look that shut her up real fast.

 

“The so called pregnancy, that was probably that Collin’s bastard’s kid. Not to mention she got pregnant shortly after I left. The bitch was cheating on me, so yeah excuse me if I’m not the nicest person in the world when I think of her. She’s a damn bitch and it’s about time you wake up and smell the coffee O.” Octavia couldn’t believe her ears, from the corner of her eye she saw the old red Chevy pulling into the driveway and in that moment she knew the last thing Bellamy deserved was the truth.

 

“If you were a real man you would have asked her about it.” She said as she moved towards the door, she didn’t want Clarke anywhere near him.

 

“For what reason? Give me one.” he called as she stormed out of the house. “Octavia!” He chased for some reason sensing his sister was withholding something from him. Storming after her he barely had time to register her shouting to him that he was a real piece of work as he looked into the most beautiful blue eyes that still to this day haunted his dreams. She barely stepped out of the old Red Chevy truck that his sister had told him she sold a few years back. Time had been beyond kind to Clarke, she had aged so beautifully that it made his chest tightened. He couldn’t still be feeling things for the woman who shattered and broke his heart.

 

“You know what,” Octavia turned to him slightly, “You deserve it.” her words were spoken with so much malice that he didn’t understand that statement but Octavia did, he deserved being in the dark about the truth because he wasn’t worthy of Madi. Storming towards the truck she reached Clarke and shoved her back into the truck and looked her straight in the eyes, the promise to explain later was silently communicated. “Don’t get out” with that she slammed the door shut and Clarke started the pickup.

 

“Why are you so mad?!” his voice rose slightly, eyes trailing her hotly, he refused to look at Clarke again, angry that with just one look the woman could make him ache all over. “You can’t give me one good reason can you?”

 

“I can!” finally the cool exterior broke and Octavia shouted and that gave him pause, looking into the angry green eyes of his young sister, Octavia had tears in her eyes that she forced back. “I can give you the best reason in the world.” She thought of Madi, of her beautiful and wonderful niece. She thought of Clarke and everything she had sacrificed so that Bellamy could live his dream, the nights she had seen her friend cry herself to sleep or the days she had seen her pick herself up and push forward at the memory, her shoulder’s straightened. “But you don’t deserve it.” Turning her back on her brother she stormed to the passenger side of the truck, got in and told Clarke to drive away.

 

Angrily she cried and held onto Clarke’s hand, not saying a single word. Her friend had done so much for him, had loved him so much that she had kept his baby and let him have his dream. She had shouldered his silence and betrayal at being with someone else viliantly. The only time Octavia remembered Clarke barely being in a relationship was last year with Lexa, but that had ended in disaster. Other than that, all these years even if she didn’t say it Octavia knew that Clarke had loved her brother, otherwise...she wouldn’t have come today.

 

He didn’t deserve Madi and he sure as hell didn’t deserve Clarke Griffin.

 

**2018**

 

The sound of the small bell on top of the door could be heard as the front door to the vet’s office was opened and the shuffling of feet could be heard. Octavia walked out of her office only to be greeted by an overly excited Monet who jumped on his hind legs so he could give her kisses. Madi’s giggling could be heard as Octavia accepted the eager labs greeting.

 

“Hello Monet, my love.” She cooed as she ruffled his fur and calmed the large dog down. “Hey Madi.” he said as her niece ran into her arms.

 

“Mom says I have to stay here today.” she immediately informed her aunt and looked over to her mom who was dressed like a princess. It was almost five in the afternoon and Octavia knew all about the event Clarke had to attend at the Museum. “Well not here, _here_. But with you.” She hurriedly explained.

 

“And you brought Monet?”

 

“He’s totally in love with you Aunt O, the moment I said we were coming here he ran into the truck all excitedly.”

 

“It’s true.” Clarke said with a smirk and Octavia simply glared at her even though both women knew that Octavia had zero problem with Monet tagging along. “You have my number in case you need me.” Clarke started doing that thing where she fussed over Madi, it never changed. It was like from the moment Madi was born Clarke turned into this overprotective human being.

 

“Don’t start.” Octavia warned.

 

“I would have left her with Raven, but she’s on a date with that guy Zeke and I didn’t have anyone else to watch her.” Clarke explained making Octavia roll her eyes.

 

“Clarke, honestly you know I love watching her.”

 

“Yeah…” Clarke trailed feeling a little like maybe she should just stay home tonight and watch Moana for the uptenth time with Madi. “I’m nervous.” She admitted, making both her daughter and best friend give her a sympathetic look.

 

“It’s going to be great.” Octavia reassured and Madi nodded furiously.

 

“Yeah mom, you look hot.” and she really did. She had kept herself very much in shape despite giving birth _#momswhoexercise #mombod,_ her stomach was almost perfectly flat and with all the squats she’s done over the years her ass looked just as good as her naturally large breasts. Tonight all of it was wrapped in a dark red evening dress that tightly wound her in a dress that ended with a mermaid hem, the back had a huge dip that stopped just above her butt. She had her short hair up, set with pins and spray. Her make-up was smokey and the deep lipstick gave a sensual accent to the mole above her lip. In a word, Clarke looked Amazing.

 

“You do, now arriving in that.” Octavia pointed outside to the old Chevy Pickup. “That’s sad.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Just saying.”

 

“Okay, well I’m going.” She knew her colleagues from the Jeffersonian would be there. Giving a kiss to her daughter, she waved at Octavia and got into Old Reliable and drove off. Octavia looked down at her niece.

 

“So like lets close up and have a total girls night.” Madi giggled at that and raced to the back where Lincoln was attending an extotic bird.

 

.

.

.

 

Octavia had been right, she had nothing to be nervous about and Madi had also been right, she did look hot and it was very clearly noted as almost all eyes were on Clarke as she walked into the Museum lobby where the event was taking place. Marcus Kane had just opened a new exhibit and those of the prominent world of politics and curators would be the first to see it. She was known in this world of course, her time in the Smithsonian had placed her among high standards and her work with many victorian pieces and ancient Egyptian pieces had earned her acclaim. Now as she stood waiting for more guest to arrive she was enjoying her cup of bubbly chatting it up with old friends.

 

“Well Griffin you don’t cease to amaze me.” besides her a rather gruffy man who was very well dressed flirted as he let his hand rest on her lower back.

 

“How do you figure?” no harm in flirting back, besides their relationship in the last few years had always been a mean tug-of-war of sexual tension.

 

“Well you come in here putting every damn woman to shame,” He complimented and she smiled.

 

“Flattery will get you nowhere tonight Roan.” Clarke said with a secret in her eyes as she drew closer “but it sure doesn’t hurt to try right?” He laughed at that and he guided her towards the display of some old american settlers pottery.

 

“You seeing someone here in Arkadia?” he questioned once it was just the two of them, raising an eyebrow she shook her head. “Well, you got some smoldering eyes glaring at you from across the room love.”

 

“What?” Clarke chuckled at his choice of words, leave it to Roan to say things like that.

 

“At your left, near the end.” Clarke turned slowly in the direction of the smoldering eyes to see who they belonged too. “Could be my imagination but he looks an awful lot like a little girl I know.” Clarke felt her throat tighten as she locked eyes with Bellamy from across the room.

 

“You’re right” Clarke agreed as she turned away from the father of her child and looked at the pottery. She had known he would be there but the way he looked at her made her shiver.There was anger and hunger in those eyes of his.

 

“Ah, my wonderful powers of deduction. So tell me Watson, should I leave you to chat with him?” Clarke downed her drink in a second and Roan made an impressed face.

 

“Leave my side for one second tonight Sherlock and you’re dead to me.” she replied and he laughed. She’d be damned if she gave Bellamy the chance to catch her alone for one moment tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i didn't really proof read this chapter, sorry i'm tired! I'll fix any mistakes i see tomorrow. but also calling all BETA's lol. More to come soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo sorry for the long wait! lot has happened, hope you enjoy this chapter. Trust me nothing is even close to being resolved but this is place to start the fun. enjoy it !

**2018**

If you would have asked Clarke yesterday morning what she thought her plans for the day were the following day, they definitely didn’t include lying in bed with a pillow thrown over her head to block out the sunlight. Usually Clarke was the first one to rise, and the last one down. She could literally count with one hand the number of times she was ever hung over in her life and not once had they happened after Madi’s birth, so yeah she was a little out of practice and very much disoriented when she slowly sat up and tried to understand the world around her.

Her head was killing her and she gladly found two Tylenol’s and cup of water on the nightstand beside her bed. Reaching for it Clarke immediately felt her fingers and knuckles protest at the movement, confused she looked at her hand to find the surface of her knuckles were swollen. Ignoring the strange look of her hand, she took the Tylenol and as she drank the water and swallowed the pills she let her eyes fully adjust and take in her surroundings. Several things stuck out of the ordinary, she knew she wasn’t yet used to her new room but she was sure her furniture was a dark deep wooden color and not black, she was also sure her window was besides her bed not in front of it. Slowly a slightly sense of panic began to fill her as the room color, the computer on the desk and the way the closet was slightly ajar began to seem familiar and fill her with nostalgia.

This wasn’t her room, she realized as her eyes landed on a single picture that sat on the desk, Bellamy’s young smiling face. Gripping tightly the cup of water she wondered what the heck she was doing in Bellamy’s old room and more importantly how she had gotten there. She tried to piece together her broken memories, but could only clearly remember Bellamy giving Marcus Kane a plaque honoring him, after that she had no idea, it was fuzzy. The smell of coffee slowly made its way into the room and she was tempted to run towards it but for the life of her she was too terrified to get up off the bed. Memories of the last time she had been in that room rushed towards her. Saying good-bye to Bellamy, crying as she let him go, and holding her tongue to make him stay.

It was on that very bed that Madi had been conceived, it was in this very room that she told Bellamy she loved him for the first time. In this house she had loved and lived and laughed. In this house she had fallen in love and in that room she had lost her heart. Her heart clenched as she thought of Bellamy’s last words and just like every time she felt the pain of heartache coming rushing, she quickly closed herself off to that emotion. If she pretended that Bellamy had never loved her the pain was easier to handle.

Annoyed with herself, she got off the bed and quickly realized she wasn’t in her pretty red dress but in a white button down men’s blouse which once again had her entering panic mode, she had gone completely commando in order to wear that dress. Now she was curious as to why her dress was missing, did she undress herself or had someone undressed her? Was it Aurora or Bellamy? Then she suddenly remembered that Aurora was in some fashion convention in New York with a friend of hers and she had to hold onto the side of the wall to get a hold of herself. A slight shudder left her as she prayed and hoped Bellamy hadn’t touched her. He wasn’t the type, at least she didn’t remember him being the type to take advantage of a drunken woman.

Her legs felt like they quivered she walked out of the room, heart at her throat at the idea that he had touched her without her consent. Try as she might, no matter how hard she tried to calm herself the doubt still lingered. The Bellamy she knew back then wasn’t the Bellamy she knew now, he was angry and bitter towards her, and he could have raped her out of sheer contempt. She remembered the halls and traced the walls with her finger tip, flashes of her past crashed against her as she walked out into the open living room and slowly made her way towards the kitchen.

He was there, a cup of coffee in his hands as he read what she assumed as some report, in the corner of her eye she saw the clutter of paper work that came from his line of work. A laptop was opened to a barely answered e-mail and the image of what she had wanted her home to look like came at her like a haunting image. Feeling queasy she groaned catching his attention.

“How’s your head?” his voice was as deep as she remembered it, still smooth and husky. It didn’t change, it still it made her warm to hear and it was truly the first time she had heard his voice in nearly thirteen years. She couldn’t wrap her mind around what was happening, so she hid, encircling her arms around herself for support, legs crossed obscuring as much as she could from him, and still under the large shirt she was very much naked.

“It’s seen better days.” She finally replied, she stood at the entrance of the kitchen unwilling to move.

“You want some co-” she was sure this painful small talk and friendliness was just as awkward for him as it was for her so she cut him off.

“Why am I here?” her voice came out colder than she intended but honestly she wasn’t in the mood for any of this. He didn’t respond immediately, instead he took a sip of his coffee it was at that moment that she noticed that his face was slightly swollen. Under his left eye a black bruise was forming and just above his lip was a deep and currently scabbing scratch. What had happened? “What happened to your face?” it was pure maternal instinct that made her ask, it had nothing to do with the concern she was refusing to feel.

“You happened.” His reply was simple. “You apparently weren’t very happy when I took my truck keys from your hands.” He lightly touched the bruise under his eye. “You’re packing quite the punch.”

“ _My_ truck.” She corrected seemingly annoyed that he would still call the old Chevy his, it stopped being his truck many years ago.

“Right…” he lifted the cup of coffee again and took another sip allowing them to once again slip into a rather awkward silence. “You wouldn’t tell me where you lived.” He suddenly said making Clarke give him a confused looked. “It’s why you’re here.”

“Oh,” furrowing her eyebrows she followed her rather intelligent _‘Oh’_ with “But you could have called O”

“I’m blocked…my number is, I mean.” He felt like he was fumbling around to find some stable ground around Clarke, every word for him felt like he might accidently step on a mine that could explode.

“Mine’s isn’t” as the words left her mouth he took her shattered phone out of his pocket and set it on the counter. “….huh….how did that happen?”

“You threw it at my face when I walked into the room….you were undressing, I didn’t know.” Clarke bit her lower lip to keep herself from laughing, well at the very least she had defended herself.

“Nothing happened right?” she asked more for herself than in doubt of him, she asked because she needed to feel like even if he was the biggest piece of shit in the world, she could in some way still trust him.

“Excuse me?”

“You didn’t…I mean…” she was suddenly gesturing between the two of them. His eyes grew cold then and the fine features of his jaw clenched.

“Fuck.” His voice was hard and it made Clarke’s heart jump up to her throat. She needed to hear his answer, if he could just tell her then maybe she wouldn’t feel terrified of him. “I would never take advantage of a drunk woman Clarke.” The way he said her name ending it on a hard K sound, made her gulp.

“Good…I just…I needed to make sure.”

“You know me better than that.” He spat but even if his temper was rising she felt herself begin to calm down, the fear was escaping her and a sense of relief was washing over her.

“No,” She suddenly replied. “I don’t.” turning her back to him she moved in the direction of Octavia’s old room. Bellamy watched her go for second before he was hot on her heels.

“What kind of fucked up answer was that?” he demanded watching as she looked around for some shorts to wear.

“Fucked up how?” she was pulling up old short from Octavia’s high school days, how Clarke could still fit into them was a mystery all its own. She didn’t bother to look for a bra knowing that even back then she had been much bustier than her friend. Feeling better now that she was covered from his eyes, she turned to face him with confidence.

“You would accuse me of sexual assault just because ‘ _you don’t know me_?’” his voice picked up an octave as he mimicked her voice.

“No, see unlike you I actually asked before I jumped to conclusions.” Those words hurt much more than the punch she had landed on him yesterday. “I had a doubt, I asked, and I still trust you enough to know you didn’t lie to me.” She pushed past him back towards the kitchen suddenly really wanting that coffee. Bellamy stood in Octavia’s room for a few minutes alone, he assumed by what Clarke had said that his sister had told her what he had said about her. He had been an idiot, a heartbroken fool who should have trusted the woman he loved enough to know she would have never lied to him. He had screwed up royally.

When he found his way to the kitchen yet again, he saw her sitting on the kitchen stool the house phone against her ear. She was speaking with Octavia who from the sound of it was just as confused about what Clarke was doing at their childhood home. He was sure this whole thing seemed like a never ending nightmare to her, he must be the worst of all them for her.

“Just bring them, we’ll go home from here.” She replied easily bringing a cup of coffee to her lips. Octavia said something that made Clarke smile, moving to the opposite side of the counter so he was looking at her, he wondered why he didn’t have the courage before to find out the truth. Why had he believed so whole heartedly that she had betrayed him? When he saw that kid, that girl at the middle school his whole world had come to a sudden, loud and jerking halt. That girl, tall and beautiful, had eyes like Clarke but other than that she was all him. His eyes, his nose, his mouth, even his freckles were there, her hair was long and curly just like his, other than her eyes and her skin which was a creamy combination of his tan tone with Clarke’s pale smoothness, she was without a doubt in the world his daughter.

“Okay, I love you too.” Clarke’s voice pulled him from his thoughts, watched as she hung up with a smile on her face before remembering she was in the same room as him. Clearing her throat she drank her coffee, the awkward silence returned. He watched her for the longest time tracing every inch of her with his eyes, wondering how he could have messed everything up so much. “What?” she sounded annoyed at him.

“We need to talk.” She brushed his words off in the most un-amused manner possible, as if whatever he meant to say was the most nonchalant thing in the world.

“About?” She asked as she settled into the high chair and drank her coffee. Bellamy had the feeling that she was a sleeping lioness awaiting to strike. He wondered if he should choose his words carefully, he watched those once naïve and worshipping eyes that had looked at him with so much love and trust, now look at him as if she was laying out her carefully planned out path of war.

“I have a daughter.” It seems; he quickly realized, that those were the words that would ignite the fire inside her because her eyes suddenly were distant and calculative, as if she was a stranger that was one step ahead of him as she laid out her traps. Slowly and with a small click she set her coffee mug down.

“No _I_ have a daughter.” She leaned forward with precision, his heart stopping as her movements came fluidly, her words sharp like swords. “You don’t have anything, you can’t expect to have the right to something you threw away twelve years ago.” He wanted to move but he couldn’t. “Your paternity isn’t something you deserve Bellamy, you have to earn it, what have you done to earn Madi?” Clarke’s words stung more than any slap or punch she could have delivered to him. He couldn’t speak, not for a while she wasn’t wrong and that’s what scared him the most.

“She…legally-” he wanted to argue that legally she was his but she cut him off.

“Legally she belongs _only_ to me.” He felt like throwing up, “I never put your name on her birth certificate, the space belonging to father is empty.” She went on. “The only reason her last name is hyphenated is because your sister begged me to add ‘ _Blake_ ’ to it. That decision had nothing to do with you.” She sounded like such a different person but then Bellamy couldn’t blame her could he? He was the one who pushed them both away without even realizing how big the cost of it would be.

 

 

**2006**

Egypt was as Bellamy expected it, wild. Since his arrival three months ago he had done nothing but run around and worked his pretty little ass off. There were so many things that had to be done, plots to be dug, artifacts to be categorized, maps to be organized and mountain upon mountains of paper work trailing all of their activities. Looking out from his tent and to the dig site he wondered how he could ever think to give it up, his heart thought heavy thankful that Clarke’s pregnancy test had come back negative, he would have never been able to experience this had he stayed in Arkadia. He felt free here, felt some kind of vindication that after all his hard work finally it was paying off. Egypt was extraordinary and the history he was allowed to dig up was magical. His whole crew was littered with historians and professionals who had years of experience and were part of some of the most amazing finds of human history. He loved it here and felt a bit guilty that he had not really kept in touch with Clarke, but she would understand.

Honestly, he barely had time to breathe no less have an actual conversation from anyone at home, but boy did he miss them like crazy. He thought about his family often, wondered if Octavia was settling into college fine or if his mom was adjusting to being by herself. He wondered if they had money or if they had any worries he wasn’t there to sooth. He knew being here was an opportunity to bring them to financial stability and the first two checks were already proof of that. He sent a hefty amount to both his sister and his mom. He had gotten letters from them, e-mails too. They were so curious about everything and he felt horrible for not responding to them. He thought of Clarke too, a lot. He missed her just as much as he missed his mom and Octavia.

Bellamy wanted nothing more on so many nights than to just fall into bed and sleep with his arms wrapped around a certain blonde that could make him forget all his problems. He missed her sometimes when he was frustrated and wanted to talk to someone, she too sent letter and e-mails. She asked about him mostly, asked how he was, if he was safe. Wrote about how she missed him and loved him and honestly those were the letters that helped him get through it all.

He would write and call soon he promised himself, at least he knew he would get the chance in the next week. The whole probationary period was over and he would finally be able to breathe, sure he would still wake up early and sleep late but he would get a day off and more time throughout the day to really do something with himself other than dig and bury himself in dirt.

“Hey Blake.” Coming up behind him, turning his dark eyes on the woman he smiled. Roma Bragg was beautiful, skin fair but with a tan from her time out in the sun, she was tall with a slim build, her hair was long and dark and her eyes were a deep brown. An Irish girl who had been at the site for over a year, she was quick and smart and so very good at what she did and hell, he had a crush. So he avoided looking her in the eyes as she drank from her water bottle and took the spot next to him. “Hiding from the sun?” her accent drove him crazy.

“Something like that.” He replied, keeping his eyes focused out to the dig a part of him felt like he was betraying Clarke for having any kind of attraction towards Roma. Sure, they hadn’t said they would wait for each other but to Bellamy they hadn’t technically broken up, Clarke still wrote to him as if they were together so he assumed they still were. From beside him, he saw Roma reach into her back pocket and reveal an envelope. “What’s that?” He asked her curiously.

“It’s for you.” She handed him the envelope, he tried to ignore how her mouth moved as she spoke. That accent, he was a sucker for it. Looking down at it he read _‘Echo Da’Zgeda’_ it was strange reading her name. Of all the people who he expected to get a letter from, Echo Da’Zgeda was the last person he thought he would get mail from. They weren’t great friends, but they had a very simple relationship they went to school together, worked in the same café, and graduated from the same college. So while she wasn’t an immediate part of his inner circle, he did spend many a nights studying in the library with her next to him. So while the letter was strange, it was also welcomed. Taking a seat he opened it and began to read.

 

_Bellamy,_

_I don’t know where to even begin this letter. To start I just wanted to_

_Tell you how much I actually miss you. I know, it’s shocking form me too_

_But the town really feels so lonely without you in it. You may not know this_

_You are one of the few friends I had here in Arkadia. Sometimes I get jealous,_

_Seeing you get out and doing your thing, makes me wish I could also do my own._

_I also miss Octavia, she up and left and took the spice out of Arkadia, I don’t_

_Think she ever likes me much, but I always kind of wanted her approval._

_Honestly, I don’t understand how she can still be friends with Clarke-_

 

Bellamy stopped reading for a moment, Clarke? What did Octavia’s friendship with Clarke have to do with him and Echo?

 

_I mean not to bash Griffin or anything, but you would think when Octavia found_

_Out that your girlfriend (or were you guys broken up?) got pregnant with_

_Collin’s kid, she’d be pissed. I mean when I heard about it I was pretty pissed,_

_Then she left to DC to live with Fin. I don’t I don’t want to seem petty-_

 

His mind kept rereading that passage, kept falling on the words pregnant and Finn. Bellamy’s blood ran cold and he felt his heart plummet to the ground. She wasn’t pregnant when he left, he saw the letter from Hospital. Negative, it had said negative. Sure he had been worried that she could be pregnant and he had felt like the most selfish human being in the world and a small part of him was disappointed when she gave him the results but she hadn’t been pregnant when he left so he knew it wasn’t his. Clarke Griffin was pregnant, she was carrying a child and it wasn’t his…what the actual fuck!?! Why was she writing to him, telling him she loved and missed him?  


How could she miss him if she was fucking around with Finn fucking Collins! Of all the guys she could have felt weak around it had to be the prick that shattered her heart into a million pieces? Was it so easy to run into the arms of that man? Was she ever really in love with him? That dawned on Bellamy so quickly that he dropped the letter and rushed to the phone that was inside a trailer. He would call and ask her and demand an answer! Why was she pregnant? How could she have betrayed him for Finn and damn it he would know the truth, if she had ever even loved him at all, the anger and fury propelled him but the closer he got to that phone to more his confidence fled him and left him feeling terrified.

What if he called her and she did admit that she never really loved him? That she was using him to get over Finn and that now that he was gone from her life it was better. What if she told him it was over…at this point wasn’t it? She was pregnant with someone else’s kid and the most selfish part of him wished it was his and an even darker part of him briefly made him wish that she would lose it. That the baby would never be born and it was that thought that made him stop a foot away from the phone. Disgusted with himself for having thought that, it was cruel to wish the death of a child that had no fault what so ever and yet he couldn’t help his resentment. He hated that Clarke didn’t wait for him, that she was happy with someone else that she got over him and was starting a family with another man.

Well, fuck her. Fuck her and her happiness. She wanted to move on and have a kid with someone else let her. Let her whore around with Collins all she wanted, she wanted so badly to exclude him from her life that she ran into the arms of another and was having Collin’s kid. Fine, fuck them both. He’d show her, he’d fall in love with someone and get married and have kids too. To hell with Clarke Griffin and to hell with Finn Collins.

When the door to the trailer opened and into it entered Roma with Echo’s letter in her hand, he didn’t think twice about pulling her to him and kissing her hard, like he had wanted too for the last three months. His mouth devoured hers and while at first there was a bit of shock from her, she leaned into and let her own attraction for him lead it on.

 

 

 

**2018**

He sucked. Now that he thought about it, he should have called and yelled and fought with her that day, she would have told him. Been angry, defended herself and he would have felt like an idiot and flown home. She would have probably convinced him to return to Egypt, but he would have called her every damn day and been part of Madi’s life. What did he have now? Nothing, not a damn thing, he was a stranger in his own daughter’s life and the woman who he had loved hated him. Sighing he rubbed his forehead, he didn’t have the energy to fight her after all she was right, beyond that he had hurt her.

“Would you let me?” he asked suddenly catching her off guard, her eyes flickered between fire and confusion. “Would you let me…earn her?” he could tell that the last thing Clarke expected was for him to ask that. She leaned into her chair and crossed her arms, maybe she had expected some huge fight, for him to be arrogant and to force her to let him be part of Madi’s life, but he agreed with Clarke. He did nothing worth of being Madi’s father…he even wished his own kids death.

Feeling sick he put his hands on the counter to give himself support.

“I don’t know if you deserve it,” her voice was soft but still cold. He nodded, his color draining as he remembered how hard he had wished for Clarke to lose the child she had been carrying back when he was overseas. God he was a monster, he had been so selfish, so filled with hatred.

“I don’t.” he whispered remembering how he almost got her fired when he found out she was working at the Smithsonian. He was a bastard, the lowest scum of the earth, she was working hard to push his baby forward to give her a good life and he was the man who tried to bring her down out of spite. “I don’t deserve her at all.” He looked at her and his tears caught Clarke completely off guard, he saw those blue eyes immediately react on instinct at his tears, her hand twitched as if she had wanted to reach out but she stopped herself.

The sight of him in tears throw her for the craziest curveball. She hadn’t once in all her fantasies of how this confrontation would go imagined Bellamy Blake breaking down and crying. She expected he would insult her and arrogantly try to say that she lied to him and hid his daughter from him. She was prepared for the rage, she wasn’t prepared for heartbreak. It took everything inside her to not react to Bellamy’s heartache because selfishly she thought no one had been there to ease her own heartache at his expense.

“No you don’t….” but damn it all, he was her baby’s father. “But Madi deserves to know you.” She saw him tense up, jaw clenched as he looked her in the eyes. “Even if I don’t think you deserve her…she’s the one who has to make the decision for herself.” His tears weren’t stopping. “I came back for her, because she has the right to know her father, to have a relationship with him but believe me Bellamy when I say that the moment you do anything to hurt and disappoint my daughter…you will never see her again.” He gulped and Clarke wondered where his head was at.

The front door swung open then, Octavia walked in wearing jeans and a red shirt that read _“fuck you”_ in black, it was a clear message to him. He wondered at what point it was he stopped being the apple of her eye. She walked over to the kitchen counter, took one look at him and arched her brow. In all of her life Octavia could count with one hand the amount of times she had ever seen her brother cry and to see him in tears, for some reason she felt a little defensive and shot Clarke a look.

“What…” Clarke drank her coffee again but felt a little scrutinized by Octavia.

“What did you do to him?” why was it that it was so easy to love Bellamy even if she was angry and never wanted to talk to him again? Because Bellamy had been such an important part of her life, and given her a niece and helped her with school and damn the man was like her own father so while yeah he was a damn jerk…he was crying.

“I didn’t do anything, he did that to himself.” Clarke continued to drink her coffee. Octavia made a face, half tempted to ask but then she remembered she wasn’t talking to him so she turned away from him and ignored the need to wrap her arms around him.

“You ready?” Octavia asked and Clarke nodded. Getting up she made her way towards the rooms to get her dress and shoes, leaving the Blake siblings momentarily to themselves. “Blake.” Octavia said curtly and her brother smiled, involuntarily her heart soared.

“O.” he said her name like a fond whisper. For a moment Octavia felt her cold heart melt and she turned to look at her Big Brother, he looked worn and tired. His eyes red and full of regret and she wanted to badly to hug him and tell him that she loved him.

“Aunt O?” the sound of Madi’s voice had both of their heads turning to the front door and suddenly Octavia remembered why Bellamy didn’t get to her love and sympathy. The darkness filled Octavia’s eyes so quickly that it scared Bellamy.

“I thought I told you to wait in the car.”

“It’s hot!” Madi complained as she stepped into the house curiously, Bellamy managed to move out of sight and behind the refrigerator door before Madi could fully focus on him, Clarke emerged from the hall dress in hand. As Madi’s attention focused on her mother, he closed the door to the fridge, Bellamy watched panic fill Clarke’s eyes for just a fraction of a moment before she masked it. “Mom!” Madi quickly made her way over to Clarke who received her with open arms and a kiss on her forehead.

“Hey baby.” Clarke held her daughter for a moment before pulling away.

“Whose house is this?” Madi asked in a low whisper and Clarke tucked a stray hair behind her daughter’s ear.

“This is where O used to live when she was little. With her mom and her brother.” Madi’s brow arched, she had never really heard much about Octavia’s so called brother. To Madi he was some myth or legend, everyone talked about the Blake who left to Egypt but she had never really met him. Sometimes she wondered what the other Blake was like. For a moment there was a stiff pause that filled the room with tension and then Clarke spoke, moving just slightly so that Bellamy wasn’t obscured by either her or Octavia. “Madi, this is Bellamy.” The moment Madi’s blue eyes locked on him he felt the air leave his body.

“Hi,” Madi said as she moved to shake his hand, cleaning his hand on his pants he reached out.

“Hi…” his daughter was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

“He’s Octavia’s brother.” Clarke said as she moved to stand next to Madi and Bellamy quickly saw understanding dawn on his kid’s face, confusion turned into astonishment and then the smallest of smiles appeared on her face and some emotion he couldn’t understand registered in her eyes and her grip on his hand tightened.

“Hi…” she said again her tone close to disbelief and he understood it then. Acknowledgement, she understood who he was, what he was.

“Hi.” He said again, this time the goofiest smile in the world graced his face and that was how he meet his daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and I'm BACK! so sorry for the long wait!! I had work and other work and I moved and well its been crazy but guys its up! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. more to come promise! Thanks for the support!!!

**2018**

 

“Excuse me?!” It was Saturday night, exactly one week after Clarke’s drunk mishap that landed her in Bellamy’s house. Clarke was sitting on her sofa watching _Ghost Adventures_ with an array of snacks on the coffee table. While she looked seemingly comfortable in her pj’s as if she wasn’t having a panic attack, she was in fact in full anxious mother mode. Raven was angrily standing in front of her t.v. blocking her view. Tanned arms at either side of her hips, her hair in a perfect ponytail and she wore a shirt that had the words “ _Corvette_ ” written across her chest.

 

“You’re blocking Raven” Clarke said matter of fact-ly further pissing Raven off. She stood rooted in front of the large t.v making Clarke roll her eyes “Raven…”

 

“Why is Madi going on a daddy daughter date with Mr. Class **A** asshole?!” Clarke knew she was going to have to answer her. Octavia was upstairs helping Madi get ready even though she too had put up a big fight about Madi spending time alone with Bellamy.

 

“Because Madi asked her father to dinner,” she hated it too, don’t her get wrong she was ready to pull every last one of her hairs out from the anxiety she was feeling but it wouldn’t do any good if she was opposed. Madi knew who he was and from the moment she had meet him she had done nothing but talk about him. She had harassed Octavia for stories of him and for pictures and for information about Bellamy Blake, her father, the current twinkle of her eye. Honestly, she hated that twinkle whenever she said Bellamy’s name. Clarke had taken care of her for twelve years, she had been her mother, her accomplice, her confidant and she didn’t get any eye twinkle, it was complete crap!

 

“Who told Madi she could date?!” Clarke smiled at the comment. She remembered how hard Raven had fallen in love with Madi the very moment she felt her kick inside of Clarke’s womb. Clarke still recalled the moment like it was yesterday.

 

 

**2006**

Raven had mostly avoided Octavia and Clarke since she moved in, more specifically Clarke. She was always out before either of the two girls woke up and back after they had gone to sleep. It was easier to avoid them then to sit there and make an incision in her poorly healed wounds. Octavia wasn’t the problem, not really, it just that at the moment Clarke was the apple of Octavia’s eye due to the fact that she was carrying her nephew or niece in her womb, and sure they had technically settled things between them and let bygone be bygones but still…maybe a part of her still held some kind of a grudge against Clarke Griffin.

 

It was late, later than she usually turned in. She had been working on the transmission of an old 1966 Mustang and time had escaped her. It was almost two in the morning when she walked into the apartment, a light was on in the hallway and she could noticed the door to Clarke’s room was open, stepping further into the apartment she found the pregnant blonde on the floor by the large balcony door, her forehead pressed against the glass, eyes closed but her breathing was shaky. The moon shone brightly above and its light brightly lit the apartment.

 

For a moment Raven panicked wondering if something had happened to her but then he saw her mouth quiver and a small, silent sob escape her as one hand held onto her belly and the other tried desperately so to conceal the sound of pain. She watched her silently for moment, watched as the blonde fisted her left hand and hit her chest over her heart. The sharp intake of breath that was followed by a nearly silent cry. It made Raven wonder; with how quiet Clarke was being, how many times she came out to cry by herself. She had been living with them for only a month, but she wondered if Clarke cried like this even before she moved in. If she used the dead of night to cry and hide her pain from Octavia.

 

Gently setting her bag on the floor near the door, she quietly removed her shoes. Her eyes never once leaving Clarke. Silently she moved towards her and sat down directly in front of her. Five minutes passed before Clarke opened her eyes and was startled to find Raven there, silently watching her, silently comforting her. Raven watched as Clarke clenched her jaw tightly, an attempt to stop the tears, to hide the sorrow and it broke Raven’s heart so much to see how desperate Clarke was to hide it, hide how hurt she was because of Bellamy. On some instinct Raven reached out and held Clarke’s hand.

 

“Cry,” Raven whispered as she turned to look out the window, the moon the only light that continued to illuminate them. Raven heard her cries then, soft and filled with so much sorrow, her hand gripped onto Raven’s tightly as she crumbled helplessly before her. It made Raven tear up and for the first time see Clarke as more than the girl who slept with her boyfriend. She saw her as a brave woman who was carrying the child of the man she loved while miserably missing him and she pitied her. It was the first time that Raven wished for Bellamy to just call Clarke, to alleviate her pain. It was in the silence of that apartment in the middle of the night that Raven let go of her discomfort for Clarke and just held her hand until her sobs died out altogether.

 

“It’s a girl,” Clarke said suddenly making Raven jump slightly, she still hadn’t let go of Clarke’s hand and she was comfortable just holding it. “I didn’t want to know but the curiosity won me today.” She explained “six months and healthy. A girl.” She smiled and finally turned to look at Raven, her eyes red and swollen but Raven thought she looked like a painting.

 

“You got a name?” Clarke shook her head and exhaled, there was a faint smile on her lips “looks like you do.”

 

“Livia,” the name made Raven make a face and Clarke laughed. “You don’t like it?”

 

“I mean she’s you’re kid, but why?”

 

“Livia Drusilla was one of the most powerful women in ancient Roman times, I want my daughter to have a powerful name”

 

“What about Maddalen?” Raven said completely ignoring Clarke making her smile. “It means magnificent,” Clarke silently watched her “I think your kid is going to be magnificent”

 

“Yeah?” Clarke voice broke a little and Raven nodded

 

“Yeah, she’s going to be great” a tear fell from Clarke’s eye and then she was pulling Raven forward, surprising her and resting her hand over her belly. For a moment there was nothing.

 

“What do you think kid?” Clarke said looking down to her belly “do you like Maddalen?” The kick came with such a force that it startled Raven and delighted her all at once. “She kicked me the moment you said the name” Clarke explained as another kick came and Clarke watched Raven lean into the touch, completely enthralled by the sensation of the little kicks. “I think she likes it. We’ll call her Madi for short” another kick of approval and Raven felt her heart fly out through her fingers and to the child who kicked out to her.

 

Clarke knew what love looked like, she saw it every day in Octavia’s eyes and she used to think she saw it from Bellamy. She knew she was looking at Raven fall in love with the child she had nothing to with and she felt overjoyed. In that moment Clarke knew her daughter would have yet another person who would love and care for her.

 

“Can Livia be her middle name?” Clarke asked and Raven laughed as the light suddenly turned on and the two girls turned to look at Octavia who looked at them as if she had just caught them red handed doing something they weren’t supposed to.

 

“What the hell is this?” Octavia crossed her arms and narrows her eyes on Raven’s hand on Clarke’s belly. “Get your hand off my niece” Octavia stomped dramatically over and flopped down, shooing Raven’s hand and replacing it with her own. Raven rolled her eyes and put her hand next to Octavia who looked like the grumpiest teenager in the world.

 

“We were just picking names” Clarke said watching the sheer offense clear on Octavia’s face.

 

“I thought we decided her name was Octavia!” The young Blake protested and Clarke laughed.

 

“I’m sorry but the baby likes Maddalen.” At the name the kick came again silencing all three girls. Octavia furrowed her brows and let the silence settle over them all.

 

“That was a coincidence” Octavia frowned

 

“Yep, but I’m taking it as a sign.” Raven smiled triumphantly at Clarke’s words. It was in that moment that Raven lost her heart to Maddie, as if she too was her aunt.

 

 

**2018**

The sound of the doorbell had Clarke turning from her place on the couch towards the door, her entire body filled with a nervous energy as she watched Lincoln; who had been in the kitchen preparing only God knows what, walk casually to the front door and open it like this kind of thing happened on the daily. Like it was natural for Bellamy Blake to pick up her daughter to take her out to dinner. She held her breathe, she really did because she felt her lungs constrict in her chest.

 

“You’re handsome as ever I see.” The deep sound of Roan’s voice coming from the doorway was a real testament to how anxious Clarke had been because she stared breathing and felt as if, if asked she wouldn’t have the strength to stand.

 

“What in God’s name are you doing here?” Raven’s arms uncrossed as she quickly placed her hands on her hips. Even with her brace Raven could still look menacing. Roan walked in carrying a few beer boxes that had another box full of meats and vegetable which Lincoln took gratefully. It almost looked like the two had planned it, as if somehow they had conspired to cook food and bring beer.

 

“Lincoln called me.” Clarke looked over to Lincoln’s stoic face, never could Clarke ever read what was going through his mind the only woman who could ever make him show more than one expression was Octavia. Arching an eyebrow at her would- be-brother-in-law, Lincoln simply shrugged before silently making his way towards the kitchen. “He was worried about you.” Roan explained as he set the beers down on the floor to reach over the top of the couch to pull Clarke into a hug. “Something about needing all the moral support you could get.” Clarke smiled and melted into Roan’s embrace genuinely happy to have him there.

 

Truthfully she had spent the whole day stressing out, Raven had a date, Octavia and Lincoln had some event and when she thought about it Roan lived a whole hour away and she didn’t want to make him go out of his way just to comfort her. Sometimes she honestly forgot how much love and support surrounded her, Bellamy’s rejection had shattered her so completely that even now she still felt as if she was doing everything without anyone’s help even when she knew she had people who would drop everything just for her.

 

Lincoln not going to the event and dragging Octavia over with the guise that she was helping Madi dress, Roan driving all the way from the capital just to be here for her. Upstairs Madi was bubbling with excitement and downstairs Clarke was full of dread, she didn’t want to share Maddie any more than she wanted to give Bellamy a reason to come back into her life. Closing her eyes she inhaled Roan, his calming scent of tea tree oil and Cuban cigars that clung to his beard, he was warm and comforting and perfect to hide behind.

 

“Cancel your date.” Clarke heard him say toward Raven, she could already imagine the annoyed look on her best friend’s face at being ordered around by Roan, but Clarke knew that behind that façade of annoyance Raven was hiding her real feelings for him. Call her selfish for remaining the block between the two but Clarke had known for years now that both Roan and Raven were in love with each other, neither made a move towards actually having a relationship because Roan felt that Clarke needed him and Raven felt that she would be taking him from her. One day Clarke would let go of Roan, she would make sure to never cross that line with him and hand him over neatly to Raven, but today was not going to be that day. Today she needed Roan’s warmth and attention.

 

“I was going to cancel it anyways.” Raven shot back and Clarke turned to look at Raven who had the most adorable pout on her face. Smiling she turned back to Roan who looked triumphant.

 

“You know you gotta take the beers to Lincoln.” Clarke’s voice held mirth and humor while Roan finally released her and grinned, kissing the top of her head quickly, he bent down, took the beer and went on his merry way to the backyard. “I love him.” Clarke meant it as she loved Roan like a brother, a good friend but she instantly regretted her words at the quick flash of agony on Raven’s face. She didn’t blame Raven for thinking that she was actually in love with Roan, she never made any mention to dispute it and her own selfishness stopped her from revealing that truth. She knew Raven would never try to make a move on Roan, especially not considering after what happened with Finn all those years ago. She would never let their friendship fall into disarray over a man, there was too much at stake.

 

“I still don’t understand why you don’t just date him.” She knew when Raven was fishing, it was like she always had to reassure herself that no matter how much Clarke loved Roan, she would never go after him.

 

“I love him Raven, but I love someone else more.” Both knew what that meant. “I can’t do that to him. He doesn’t deserve that.”

 

“Maddie sure is a lucky kid.” Speaking of Maddie her loud elephant footsteps were suddenly heard racing across the second floor, towards the stairs and suddenly she was a blur that was rushing down the steps and appearing before her mother with a wild look on her face. “Speak of the devil…” muttered Raven.

 

“Where. Is. He?” she spoke each word out with perfect pause and precision, as if in a rehearsed unison Clarke and Raven simultaneously pointed to the backyard and off Madi was to tackle Uncle Roan and shower him with love and kisses. The kid looked great, long black hair in a braid and wearing jeans and a pretty blouse. Casual but not too casual, true to Octavia fashion.   


“Who told her Roan was here?” Raven asked Clarke who shrugged just as Octavia was coming down the stairs.

 

“That would be moi.” She was grinning obviously having known that Roan would make an appearance because Lincoln must have told her. “We needed all of the help we could get you now with my stupid brother coming over and all.” Smiling Clarke sat back down on the couch and Octavia joined her. For a moment all three girls let the silence fall over them, outside they could hear the sweet melody of Maddie’s voice as she raved to Roan about going with her dad and Lincoln’s grilling was wafting into the house from the yard. There was a nervousness in the air and finally Clarke spoke.

 

“I don’t want to share her anymore.” She confessed and both women looked at her cautiously. “She’s mine….” Octavia sighed and pulled Clarke into a side hug. “She’s mine O….”

 

“I know,” Raven watched them, unable to do anything, helpless to do anything. Maybe once a long, long time ago Clarke would have been thrilled with the idea of Maddie spending time with Bellamy but that wasn’t the case anymore.

 

“I could always stalk them and make the date a terrible one.” Raven offered and Clarke laughed, pulling away from Octavia and sitting back on the couch, both women following to sandwich her between the two. A common sign that they were there to shelter Clarke at all cost. She was in a way their leader and their rock. Octavia never would have married Lincoln and pursued her degree in animal medicine had it not been for Clarke, and Raven would have never found the strength to recover from her accident nearly twelve years ago had it not been for Clarke. If there was one person in both of their lives they owed the world too it was the nervous woman between them.

 

“I’m nervous.”

 

“I would be too.” Raven said, “Madi makes everyone fall in love with her.” Clarke exhaled loudly at that. Did her daughter have to have her father’s personality? Did Madi have to remind her of Bellamy with every gesture and trait? Bellamy was disgustingly charismatic, he had been ever since they were young, he always had the vote for Prom King, he was the Captain of the soccer team, and he was the leader of the archelogy club and the most popular boy in school. Everyone loved Bellamy, everyone had placed him on a pedestal and when he left to Egypt the man became a legend. His daughter was no different, she was smart and quirky, kids at school followed her and befriended her, and she was well on her way to becoming the Captain of Arcadia’s Soccer team if Madi had anything to say.

 

They were two pea in a pod and Clarke was terrified, she was genuinely terrified that Madi would spend time with Bellamy and love him more, or worse want to move out and live with her awesome cool, archeologist father. Quivers began to erupt throughout Clarke’s body at the thought of her daughter leaving to live with Bellamy, of not seeing her brilliant ball of energy every day. Roan walked back in then, having left Lincoln with Madi, he was the panic in Clarke’s eyes and body, silently he walked over to them, Octavia moved so that he could sit next to her and the moment he was comfortable he practically dragged Clarke into his arms and held her, keeping her head on his chest as he eased her anxiety from her body.

 

He knew as well as Octavia and Raven that the moment Madi stepped out the door with Bellamy, Clarke was going to lose her ever loving mind. He knew she would cry, he knew she would collapse into a full blown panic attack because Bellamy scared Clarke in more ways than she was willing to admit. If Bellamy demanded a paternity test and took it to court, legally he would be allowed to claim custody of Madi and Roan knew how much the thought of that terrified Clarke.

 

“It’s going to be alright.” He whispered, Octavia had onto one of Clarke’s hands while Raven played with her hair. Roan gently traced circles on Clarke’s back. Life hadn’t been the easiest on Clarke but he knew she was a strong woman. “It’s going to be okay.” Clarke, Raven, Octavia, Madi and Lincoln were Roan’s family, they had been for years now and he wasn’t about to let anyone do anything to any of them. Especially not Clarke, they had found each other in a moment in each other’s lives when they were at their absolute lowest and somehow it was Clarke who saved him, it was the girl who was more broken than he was who lifted him up and gave him strength, he owed so much to her. Roan was older of course, older than Clarke, she was barely thirty and he was Thirty-Six, Clarke had been twenty when they had meet. She had a child who was two and half years old and she was struggling to go to school, maintain her job and care for her recently injured friend who was at the time going through a very self-destructive state of mind.

 

Roan had meet Clarke two months after Raven’s accident. An accident that she blamed herself for, an accident that caused the paralysis on Raven’s leg. He had accidently fallen asleep at the wheel of his very expensive Ferrari and crashed into Clarke’s old red Chevy.

 

 

 

**2009**

“Are you fucking kidding?!” Clarke had just walked out of an arts supply store, hands full of paint brushes, and paints and several blank canvases and witnessed the moment a beautiful blue Ferrari crashed into the side of her old Chevy. As if she wasn’t already having a crap day this was just one more thing to add to her day. Anger overwhelmed her for just a brief moment until she realized the driver of the car wasn’t stepping out of his car. Carelessly flinging her supplies into the bed of the trunk, she rushed towards the driver side door and flung it open. The driver was slumped over his steering wheel, blood trickling down the side of his face.

 

“Hey,” Clarke said urgently, reaching over to unbuckle his seatbelt, he groaned slightly as she helped him to sit up, his clear greenish blue eyes opened to look at her with confusion. He painstakingly handsome and that caught Clarke slightly off guard “What’s your name?”

 

“Roan.” He replied, slowly coming into reality.

 

“I’m Clarke.” She said trying to keep him awake. She could hear people calling for an ambulance and she was grateful that she had some kind of medical training thanks to her mother. “You just crashed into my truck,” She explained and she saw panic fill his eyes. “I’m fine, my truck isn’t but it’s fixable and I’m sorry to say but you’re car…is…well you fucked it up okay.” A short huff of exasperation left her mouth. “How do you barrel a Ferrari into the side of a pick up?”

“I fell asleep.” Roan admitted, the tension leaving his body knowing no one other than himself was hurt. “I work at the Smithsonian” He explained

 

“The Museum?” she asked as she checked to see if he had any other injuries other than on his head.

 

“Yeah,” He groaned as she pressed on his ribs, one or more of those had to be broken.

 

“You work at a museum and you own a Ferrari?” she scoffed but noticed that the frame of the car had bent in and his leg was trapped, it was bleed probably broken and she felt her heart plummet. “What kept you up all night that you fell asleep in your very expensive sports car?”

 

“New exhibit.” He said slowly, panic surged through Clarke and touched his face forcing him to look at her. “Egyptian artifacts.” He continued and she nodded. “Paintings that need to be restored.”

 

“Painting restoration?” she asked knowing what that was. “I’m an Art Major,” she explained. “Currently studying the restoration of ancient arts.”

 

“Need a job?” his grin was flirty and Clarke felt her heart skip a beat.

 

“Maybe, I’m still in school though,” she kept him awake, kept his brain active.

 

“You’ve said that.” He chuckled and groaned “But I’m saying if you’re looking for a job, you should apply.”

 

“I’ll think about it…” the ambulance arrived at that moment, paramedics rushing towards him dragging her away from him. She watched as they pried him out of his car and carefully put him on a gurney, a neck brace swiftly wrapped around his neck to hold his head in place.

 

“Clarke,” he said as they began to roll him away and she followed “I’ll pay for the damages, come look for me at the hospital.” He tried reaching into his pocket but felt like he couldn’t move. “I don’t think I have a business card on me.” He chuckled,

 

“What’s your last name Roan?”

 

“Da’Zgeda. Roan Da’Zgeda.” There was a strange sense of familiarity with his last name but it didn’t register at that moment.

 

“Clarke Griffin.” She replied as he was wheeled into the ambulance, his eyes and that dumb grin was the last thing he saw as they closed the doors of the ambulance. An officer approached her and she began to give her statement, and for the next couple of hours she completely forgot all about Roan.

 

Two days later, after Clarke’s truck was towed into Raven’s shop and she heard the estimate of the repairs of her pickup she sat at home with Madi sleeping in her play pen and Raven broodingly watching television, her leg still in a cast from her accident. Octavia was busily cooking lunch when Clarke’s cellphone rang.

 

“Hello?” she asked in a slightly confused tone, not recognizing the number.

 

“Griffin?” the voice on the other end gave her a shiver, and for whatever reason she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Clarke Griffin?” it sounded so freakishly similar to Bellamy’s voice, there were differences but the similarities were unnerving “It’s Roan.”

 

“Roan…Oh!” Clarke stood up, not sure why. “Roan, how are? How is your head feeling? How is your leg? How did you get my number?”

 

“I’m resourceful.” She could literally feel his grin from the tone of his voice. “You haven’t come by to see me yet.” Smiling Clarke listened. “Thought I would remind you, I owe you a truck repair.”

 

“Can you afford it?” still smiling she sat down, she could feel Octavia and Raven’s attention on her. Purposefully she refused to look at either girls.

 

“I own a Ferrari remember,” his voice was so deep that it warmed her body, filled her with a special kind of relief. “I think I can afford it, how bad is it?”

 

“Almost five thousand dollars, the car is old so it’s costly to get the parts.” She explained.

 

“Okay, you got it. Come see me.”

 

“Just like that?” she laughed and she knew for sure that Raven and Octavia were dying to know who the hell Clarke was talking too.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke was remembering that clear color of his eyes, that cross between green and sky blue. “Just like that. Come see me Griffin.” He hung up without saying so much as a goodbye, but the way he said her name teased her to no end. Smiling she brought the phone down.

 

“Wanheda.” Octavia said, using Lincoln’s new nickname for her. “Spit it out.” She grinned and stood, she looked at Madi who was blissfully asleep.

 

“Watch her.” Was all Clarke said before grabbing her bag and bolting out the door, hailing a taxi and heading for the hospital.

 

 

**2018**

 

Their lives became entangled from that moment forward. Roan had fractured his leg and needed rehab he wanted Clarke with him for whatever reason during the Rehab so Clarke scheduled it around Raven’s rehab and thus the two began their eternal tug of war. Roan became an integral part of all of their lives and when Clarke was twenty two almost a full year after meeting her, he got her hired at the Smithsonian.

 

He had been with Madi through her whole life, with Clarke during her darkest moments. He made friends with Lincoln, bonded with Octavia and loved Raven silently. This was his family and Clarke was their Matriarch, he hated seeing how torn and broken she looked at the thought of her daughter spending time with Bellamy. They were all sitting there silently giving each other support when Madi stormed in.

 

“This is our house!” she gushed, Roan, Clarke, Octavia and Raven all turned as Madi dragged her father into Clarke’s house so he could witness the way Roan was cuddling Clarke. There was an unreadable expression on his face which he quickly masked. Roan felt Clarke tense and instantly he smiled and held his hand out to Bellamy, still holding Clarke.

 

“Welcome to our house.” Roan said and Bellamy begrudgingly took Roan’s hand. Remembering him as the man from the gala. “Roan Da’Zgeda” Roan introduced himself.

 

“Bellamy Blake,” Bellamy introduced himself as he watched Clarke detach herself from Roan, he knew Clarke had to have some kind of partner, he understood it. He had no right to say anything to her because he had done so much worse but that didn’t mean he liked it.

 

“I know who you are.” Roan said as he stood, Octavia scooted and shielded Clarke. Raven and Octavia by Clarke’s side like perfect armor.

 

“Da’Zgeda…You know Echo?” Roan could feel Clarke and Raven’s eyes on him.

 

“You know Echo?” Roan countered. “Small world.” No really answering Bellamy’s question. “What a truly small world. How do you know Echo?”  


“I went to school with her.”

 

“College,” Roan said matter-of-factly, as if knowing exactly what Bellamy meant. “She was in Arkadia for college”, he turned to Clarke. “The whole I meet someone new fiasco.”

 

“Explains so much,” Clarke said with a grin, Raven rolled her eyes.

 

“Figures.” Raven muttered and Octavia gave her brother an incredulous look.

 

“He was dating me during college though,” Clarke said turning to Bellamy. “Did you cheat on me?”

 

“With Echo?!” Bellamy sounded almost offended. “No!” he crossed his arms remembering knowing that Echo had some kind of crush on him back in the day, but he never thought anything of it. It was a weird conversation to be having because it felt weirdly like friends catching up, Roan had a way of making people comfortable.

 

“Well she had a thing for you, Captain of the Soccer team.” Roan joked,

 

“It was baseless.” Bellamy argued.

 

“Enough that she left her husband and filed for divorce.” Octavia added, Bellamy stared at her in confusion. “You stole Roan’s first love.”

 

“Player.” Clarke mused as she got up, completely comfortable in the atmosphere. Madi was idly rocking back and forth on her heels enjoying the interactions of her favorite adults. She knew they were teasing her dad, she was smart enough to tell the difference between their tones. No one was accusing and no one was on the defense, even her dad was standing, arms crossed but relaxed.

 

“She was just a friend,” a smiled played on Bellamy’s face, Roan watched as Clarke nodded as if she had heard this a million times.

 

“I’m sure,” there was a moment in where Clarke looked at Bellamy with a bit of affection, something that didn’t escape Madi’s eyes before Clarke cleared her throat and said. “Where are you taking her?”

“Oh, to the park, there is an event. Like a carnival.” He explained and Clarke knew he had hit the nail on the head. Madi loved fairs and carnivals, she loved the games and rides and the petting zoo, but especially she loved seeing the house of oddities.

 

“Okay, well…” She inhaled sharply and looked at her beautiful daughter. “Have fun kid.” Madi quickly stepped forward and hugged her mother, quickly they kissed on the lips and Madi was right back at Bellamy’s side, taking his arm excitedly. “Take care of her.”

 

“I will…” there was a pause, a moment where in the room only the three of them existed for Bellamy. A moment where the world faded and he saw only Clarke and Madi, a brief moment where he dared to even wish and hope that there was a chance that this was going to be their future. Then Roan came into view as he put his hand over Clarke’s shoulder and he saw her reach for him for support. Octavia shifted in the couch and Raven watched him with a warning in her eyes. “Okay…” he said clearing his throat looking down at Madi.

 

“Ready?” Madi asked excitedly. He smiled at his kid and let her lead him out of Clarke’s home and to his car.

 

“Bring her back before eleven!” Clarke called out and Bellamy waved an okay to Clarke as he got in the car and drove off.

**Author's Note:**

> I have this all planned out, promise angst lover that it’s going to be good! Stayed tuned and leave your thoughts below! Thanks :)


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